 Hello there! We are so glad you're back here with us in 2023! We really hope 2023 is being kind to you wherever you are! I can't be more grateful to be another year older surrounded by the people I love dearly.   Here in our little village (oh yes we found out our area is considered a village and that makes us villagers HAHA!), we've been finding our footing in a very different environment and climate. We talked about the shocking truths of living in the UK here in our last post but I think we are only starting to grasp the power of nature and its ability to shape our lives. We've spent most of our lives along the equator of the planet on a geographically sheltered island (Singapore). Nothing really happens in terms of weather because it is either rain or shine. Shorts, T-shirt and slippers works 365 days a year. Occasionally, the temperature dips to about 21-22 celcius and you'll see people flooding social media with pictures of being all wrapped up and feeling "cold". The past month has redefined the word "cold" for all of us. Winter is not a season, it is an occupation - Sinclair Lewis I think Sinclair Lewis is quite right in saying that it is an occupation because winters are to be endured and there's a lot to do if you want to live well in winter. Winters are to be endured A short nice ski/winter holiday may actually sound exciting but living through the entirety of winter is a completely different ball game. I know I run the risk of sounding like a wimp because there are many who live further north in Scotland, Canada, Russia and the Nordic countries who experience far more brutal winters than we are getting here in the UK. To survive winters, you've got to endure the biting cold, the constant darkness, being stuck indoors, spending way more money on energy bills. When we do get a break in the weather (e.g. the sun comes out and it isn't raining, sleeting, hailing and snowing), we try our best head outside. It can be frustrating being stuck inside all the time. It can also be miserable shaking in the cold. I do my best to head to places that have the great outdoors and a heated indoor space to take refuge when it gets too cold.  Wollaton Hall and Deer Park, Nottingham  Stunning architecture  Stunning landscape and outdoors  Warmer and sheltered from the cold winds inside among the museum exhibits  Winters help shrink our egos. It reminds us that there's something larger than us. This African elephant tusk also reminded us quite literally.  Leicester Museum and Art Gallery  Maybe that's why people painted so much in the past? It's bitterly cold outside and they had no Netflix... The kids are showing a lot less stamina in the cold and would complaint about wanting to go home. The ironic thing is, the only way to overcome the cold is to go into the cold. Our bodies need time to adjust the way it responds to the cold and if we simply stay home all day, we'll never adjust. If you'd really want to survive the winter, you must endure the cold and head outside.  Abbey Park, Leicester  Walking among the ruins  Sights like that takes your mind away from the cold  I cannot imagine how cold the birds, ducks and swans are in that frigid water.  They dunk their heads underwater to search for food...absolute legends because I am dry and already can't feel my fingers.  All Saints Church, Wigston Magna  Built between 1280 - 1320  Stood the test of time and bitterly cold winters Days are very short in winter and it can be very disorientating when you've got only 6-7 hours of daylight. Perpetual darkness can make you very lethargic because the absence of light tells your body it is time to sleep/rest. Lack of vitamin D also puts you at a way higher risk of serious health problems and depression. Cabin fever can also set in when you are stuck indoors too much. We try to take in as much fresh air and sunlight as we possibly can to keep ourselves sane. There's a lot to do if you want to live well in winter Here's how we get an outing done in the winter. -Check Meteorological office for adverse warnings -Watch BBC weather report -Check road closures -Check winter operating hours -Slap a lot of cream on your skin -Pack the snack pack and prepare water/warm flask -Dress up (Tee, sweater, coat, gloves, beanie, jeans/stockings, warm socks, boots, scarf) -Repeat dress up 2 more times for the kids -Scrape the ice off the windscreen, windows and mirrors -Some people have to first shovel snow away to get moving -Turn on the car window defoggers and wait for the condensation to go away before you can see well enough to get going. In Singapore, we'd get out of bed and walk out of the house in pyjamas (tee shirt and running shorts). Call Grab or just pick food up at a 24hr eatery. It will always be fast and convenient. You would expect nothing less than that. Winters don't give you that luxury. It is messy, uncomfortable and hard work. Winters bring ice that make roads extremely dangerous and difficult to drive on. There will be no deliveries, people can't get to work, businesses shut, all forms of transport halts and life comes to a standstill. You'd really need to be very aware of weather developments and prepare for disruptions. If you don't stock your food/fuel ahead of an adverse weather warning, you are going to be cold, hungry and miserable. Such disruptions don't happen on a daily basis but there's always a possibility and it takes effort to be prepared. We are looking at temperatures hovering around -5 to 5 over the next two weeks. It is going to be colder than the milder 8-12 degrees we've been getting. There's a possibility we will get frost, snow and ice. We have put fuel into the car and stocked our fridge twice this week in anticipation for that freeze that's on its way! Just 6 more weeks before spring As much as we are looking forward to the next season, we do our best to enjoy the winter. I think that is one of the most effective way to survive winter - enjoy it!  A hot coffee, tea or chocolate warms your entire being!  If an ice cream is your thing, why not? (Look at that smile)  A good book in a warm bed is a great way to enjoy winter.  Yummy cakes and many warm hugs help too! As we steadied ourselves the strong wind around Foxton Locks along the Grand Union Canal in Leicestershire last weekend, I reminded everyone that we are not soaking our clothes wet with sweat while enjoying the great outdoors. We are not bloated nor feeling sticky. We are still enjoying the beautiful sights!  Fascinating engineering to bring the narrowboats from canals on higher to lower ground (vice versa)  Water is levelled between two locks before the doors open for the boats to carry on  A narrowboat  It isn't history for the locks because it is a functioning one! Still being used today.  They just love running about and then fall asleep in the car...  all wrapped up our little (spicy) dumpling  All smiley because Man United beat Man City!!!  oh! the green and pleasant land.  Bridges over calm waters  Amazing views. The cafe serves amazing food too!  We enjoyed the day out! We are really grateful that after any good long walk, we will be absolutely ravenous. That means our food tastes better and gives us more satisfaction! Yes it is disruptive, uncomfortable, a lot of work and dangerous at times but like any occupation, we are grateful for what it gives us. Winters can and do bring great satisfaction as well as enjoyment. You can't get rainbows without the rain. You can't have the amazing four seasons without winter. 
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 8 out of 12 months of year 2022 has been spent not living from a place of permanent abode. Needless to say, it feels extremely foreign that we now have a place to call home and come back to every night. For the first time since April, we've unpacked our luggage and they sit empty while the wardrobes are filled. I think more than the comfort of living a more settled state of life, we rejoice that we are back where our hearts yearned for so much. For 10 years since the last time we were here, we longed for the day we would come back. If you were to tell me in January that we would be back in December, I would have probably felt that you were making some kind of sick joke. Dreams aside, there is a stark difference between living and travelling in a country. As we complete setting up home here in the UK, we took stock of our lives and uncovered some shocking truths about living here.  Extra layers to stay warm while watching TV. It's easy to become cold when you're stationary! SHOCKING TRUTH #1 Direct income taxes for regular folks is between 20-30%. Higher earners pay 45%. Income taxes are way higher than what we are used to in Singapore. SHOCKING TRUTH #2 Due to Putin's war, Europe now faces an extremely difficult energy/cost of living crisis. It can cost up to £500 (SGD800) for the monthly gas bill alone. Most people heat homes with gas boilers and there are people who can't afford to even turn on the gas anymore. We've had to turn our heating down from 21-22 celcius to 17-18 celcius because we realised the bill was going to be quite astronomical. This cut the bill by more than 50% but it also means we have to put on an additional layer! There's enough hardship in this world, we really don't need anyone to add to that... SHOCKING TRUTH #3 Strikes are legal and they do happen. For Singaporeans of my generation, the word strike is what moms threaten us with when we mess up the house and take her work for granted. Other than that, it is almost a dirty word to utter in public. Strikes can mean no train services, no bus services and even reduced staffing in hospitals etc. But this is how society here achieves equilibrium on the scale of work and pay. SHOCKING TRUTH #4 Despite the cost of living crisis here, your grocery bill in Singapore is DOUBLE of what we pay here. So it must be a cost of living catastrophe in Singapore. Milk costs SGD$2.23 for two litres. (In SG: $5.95 to $6.50) Broccoli costs SGD$0.30 for 375g. (In SG: $3 for 250g Aussie broccoli) Fresh loaf of Gluten free bread SGD$3.15 (In SG: $12-15) Fresh Chicken thighs 2kgs SGD6.30 (In SG: $14 and above) Rice is so far the only thing we found expensive to buy here. ($17-20 for 5kg). Almost every vegetable, fruit, cereal, meat, dairy and sauce is cheaper. We were absolutely shocked because we thought we had a chain of supermarkets that is a social enterprise. It is supposed to be FAIRprice? SHOCKING TRUTH #5 Eating out costs a bomb here in UK. An average fast food meal costs £25 for 4 people (SGD42.50). We really can't just grab our phones and order a take out. Eating out/taking out is for special occasions or just once or twice a month affair. We cook or bring sandwiches whenever we can! SHOCKING TRUTH #6 Your average 4 room HDB flat can buy you 3 flats or 1.5 Semi Detached houses here in Britain. You can buy a 3 bedroom suburban maisonette flat for less than SGD150,000 in midland cities (1.5 hours from London by rail). Most of these are also freehold. SHOCKING TRUTH #7 Public transport costs SGD2.50 for a single trip here in Leicester. The maximum charge in London for an entire day of rides is about SGD14.30. People walk when your destination is a stop or two. Renting a public bicycle also makes sense. SHOCKING TRUTH #8 You can buy an old but reliable runabout car for under SGD5000 (including one year of road tax, insurance and general maintenance). It is yours to drive FOREVER. SHOCKING TRUTH #9 Healthcare is FREE. (Permanent residents and Citizens) Foreigners who reside in the UK on a visa usually pay a one-time health surcharge when getting your visa and are also then treated for free. Yes you are treated for free for all hospitalisations, A&E visit, specialist visits, whether you require cancer treatment or brain surgery. Small charges like prescriptions do cost for outpatients. But it is a fixed cost of £108.10 for an entire year. SHOCKING TRUTH #10 It rains 159 out of 365 days here in the UK. It rains 167 out of 365 days in Singapore. So I don't understand why UK gets the reputation for being miserably dark and wet. And the point of pointing out these shocking truths is to challenge our preconceived notions about other countries. All throughout our travels we've realised that people can have very little and still feel contented. People can have a lot and yet feel like they have nothing. There are people in Britain who cannot afford to heat their homes, there are people in Singapore who cannot afford to buy nutritious food for their children and many others worldwide who are unnecessarily burdened by the rising costs of fuel. We can be thankful for what we have and never stop trying to make life better for ourselves and those around us. An act of kindness can go a long long way.  HOW IS LIFE THEN? Shocking truths aside, we've been trying to squeeze an outing here and there between the winter showers. We try out best not to complain about the weather even though it is very British do so. It really beats perspiring and getting eczema flare ups! The weather is wet, windy and cold but our hearts are so full and warm. You hear me saying that very often but it is real. The wide and open spaces are what we came here for! Deep in my heart, the green and pleasant land is one of the greatest pull factors about Britain. Having grown up in a city that flattens its forests and historical places rapidly, these things have become very very precious to me.  It's nice to look towards the horizon and not see a building.  Just a deer doing deer things.  The clouds here make the best black and white pictures! In all our travels, we've learnt of the healing powers of nature. It is a blessing to go into the woods, breathe fresh air, not perspire and walk free. It is an immensely freeing experience to only hear the sounds of nature and see the animals roam. We also took the opportunity to take the kids to the Great Central Railway in Loughborough. (Read as "Luffbra") It is one of those places I would ride my bicycle to and watch the steam trains go by in my undergraduate days. When I got married, I took my wife to the same steam railway not expecting her to enjoy any of the geeky outdated antiques. But she saw my perspective of how it is important to preserve old things. It connects us with our history, it roots us and it incredibly comforting to return to a place you know will remain the same.     I'm grateful beyond words that I was able to visit this place as a single man, a married couple and now as a father of two. Perhaps visiting this railway could be our new Christmas tradition for all future generations! You can see the train move on our Instagram page: www.instagram.com/hiroandjack  This beauty was built in 1959.  SHEEEEEEP!  Already eyeing the January "Paw Patrol" event!  Someone drew that!           HOW ARE THE KIDS ADJUSTING? These shocking truths don't really affect the kids as much as their parents who have to make the pounds and pence work out. They are getting used to the cold but learning is business as usual. They get their daily dose of regular English, Math, Tamil and Science along with age appropriate TV programmes on the BBC. It is one thing reading about steam power and another to experiencing it happening before you. The kids are amazed at how that huge machine actually comes alive. That's how we try to make it fresh and exciting for them. The sense of wonder fuels lifelong learning. Not skills future credits. We need to rekindle our own sense of wonder so that we'll WANT to learn! It shouldn't be out of desperation to keep a job but should be out of a genuine desire to pursue knowledge. HOW ARE THE GROWN UPS ADJUSTING? We are getting back the hang of cooking our own yummy food, loving football and having to vacuum clean the house. So far I've also been quite successful at trying not stall our little manual hatchback because most cars here in UK are stick shift (manual gearbox).  Yummy Christmas dinner!  It's on the radio, tele, newspapers and everywhere. The UK is perfect for a football fanatic!  GOODBYE 2022
We dared not expect 2022 to end the way it has. It feels good to be grounded again. As the year draws to a close, we have a little more reason to look forward to the new year with optimism and hope. We wish the same for you. Thank you for being around in 2022! We hope you'll stick around and continue to journey with us in our odd lives next year. We pray you'll have a very joyous year ahead with a lot of hugs, kisses and time spent with your loved ones. Signing off for 2022.  Matthias had a dream one of the days earlier this year in January when we were still living in Singapore. He told us we will be spending Christmas in a place he can see snow. I told him "we'll see..." but deep inside this jaded old man I knew the math didn't add up and scoffed at the idea. A man of little faith I am.... Moving across the world If you've done any form of moving you'll know that it is an excruciating process. Moving light makes it easier but moving an entire family is anything but light or easy. We made it a point to offload all the things that we won't want to ship over in future and only stored the important things. I'm still in disbelief that we actually stuffed our lives in 3 cabin sized suitcases and a larger suitcase. We've realised time and time again how little we actually NEED to live a comfortable life. "Are you excited?" "OMG you've been dreaming of going home to the UK for so long!". To be very honest, I felt nothing. I was too busy to feel anything. I loved meeting people that mattered to us for the entire week prior to flying off but I was numb. The mind didn't seem to register that it was actually happening.  "THE DREAMLINER" the kids exclaimed. At this point my mind was fixated on the gargantuan task of surviving flying with two kids aged 5 and 8 for 14 hours. My anxiety quickly dissipated when we settled into our seats.   These two digital natives instantly took to the inflight entertainment. This was their first time flying a full fare airline. We've only flown budget airlines across South-East Asia with them. I was pleasantly surprised they were able to operate the system with no instruction whatsoever. We kept the kids up as long as we could to ensure they could at least start syncing their sleep times to the UK's time. As the aircraft descended through thick clouds and the suburban landscapes of Hounslow appeared, we were greeted with amazing sight. The roofs of houses and cars were covered with snow! I immediately felt myself involuntarily smiling. It felt like homecoming. 12 years ago when I departed London, it was in the middle of a cold snap. 12 years later, we were now in the middle of a cold snap. As the reverse thrust slowed the plane down, it finally felt real. All 4 luggage made it safely and we dragged ourselves from Heathrow's Terminal 5 to Terminal 4 via a free underground transfer. If you are visiting London and want to save some money on accommodation+ your sanity, I'd highly recommend really nice hotels like Crowne Plaza, Sofitel, and Hilton in Heathrow. These hotels are directly connected to the airport terminals which means you can catch a rest without having to immediately travel into central London after a 14 hour flight. They also cost at least 50% off the price of the SAME hotels in central London. With the brand new Elizabeth line now connecting Heathrow to London Paddington in under 30 minutes (at Underground prices not Heathrow Express prices), staying near the airport when visiting London is no hassle now compared to the rickety old Piccadilly line tube trains. (those took more than an hour) We used our platinum status on Agoda to score some really good prices for Hilton at Heathrow Terminal 4. It is connected to the terminal via covered linkway. The rooms were quite the normal 4 star standards but they were really quiet. Every single member of staff we encountered were attentive, energetic and polite. We really enjoyed the variety at the breakfast buffet. They even served our kids gluten free bread when we requested for some in faith. It was amazing :)   The cold We really struggled a little the first day going from +30 to -2 degree celcius. The kids actually wanted to go back to the hotel because it was "too cold". But they were constantly exclaiming when they saw the leftover snow the piled up around central London. It was a little like saying I'd like an ice-cream that's a little warm?!  Enjoying the quiet, new and really fast Elizabeth line trains!   The Victorians really got it right with architecture.  You just wonder how these ducks and swans are able to hang out IN THE FREEZING WATER....  You can't expect it to feel nice and warm with that lying around right? I explained that our bodies needed some time before it got into the mode of producing more warmth. The only way was to rough it out in the cold until the bodies went into winter mode. Hiding is never the answer. True enough, they got really used to it within a day! My eczema that flared up after we returned to Singapore for a short while suddenly disappeared after a couple of days in the freezing weather. Just not built for the tropics! London The kids were promised that if we ever got to London before Christmas, they'll visit the Winter Wonderland at Hyde Park. I'm so thankful we managed to fulfil that promise. Inside, there are many fair rides, a real ice skating rink, burgers, sausages, mulled wine and Christmas fairs. The scale of it just made it fantastical to walk through.        Too add on to the Christmas cheer, we took our time to enjoy Oxford street for the Christmas lights, chocolates and Hamleys (5 stories of amazing TOYS. Even I got excited just being there.     Chocolate delights the soul :) I must say that the kids struggled to stay awake for the first couple of days as we adjusted to the UK time. It was tough, Gwyn even walked with her eyes closed. Jet-lagging is hard but they did enjoy the city! I don't usually say I like cities. But I've grown fond of London over the years. That is mostly because of its charm. This charm is the coexistence of the ancient and modern architecture and spaces. The modern buildings are built AROUND what is already there. Just take a look at these shots...    There's just something about the Brits and keeping old things. When there are places where generations of Brits, migrants and their descendants can make shared memories, it connects the generations to their shared history. That develops a sense of place and a sense of belonging. It a beautiful thing.     Another beautiful thing about London is how new stories are always written about old places! You have the Harry Potter's platform 9 3/4, Paddington bear at Paddington station and Andy's prehistoric adventures at the Natural History Museum. These places capture the imagination of people all over the world. We tried out best to show our kids the best of London. But to be honest, we've not even scratched the surface. There's still much more to see. We'll definitely be back in London on weekends when we are free.
       After just 4 days, we drove a 100 miles to where we'd be living long term and started the dreaded unpacking business. Setting up a home is pretty much as exhausting as moving. We'll continue to chronicle our odd lives here in the UK!
We'll just leave you with this little anecdote.... "Mama, is the fish bigger than me?" In my heart I was saying, "yes darling, there are quite a few things in this world that is way bigger than we are. They will also be standing here for way longer than we are going to last. Such is the wonderful world we live and breathe in but for a moment in time." Till our next adventure....  We are back! We took a break from blogging at the end of September in Thailand and headed to Batam, Indonesia for a couple of weeks to reevaluate our options. We knew we needed to head back to Singapore after 7 months of shuttling about South East Asia. What came out of this was nothing short of a miracle. More on that later! As we review 2022, we would like to first thank our readers so much for reading, sharing and following our odd lives. Back in January 2018 we started this blog as a way to… ‘…connect with our inner selves and with the readers out here. We believe many new adventures await our little family and we hope to be able to capture those precious moments here…The dream has always been to be with our children, live the (penniless) life of an artist and stay-home parent. But I guess being a blogger & shoe designer (that actually earns bucks) isn’t that bad too haha!” (Our first post - 9th January 2018) It is mind-blowing that 4 years later we REALLY did have a whole load of new adventures and many precious moments recorded here. Apart from the exciting travel bits, I think the blog best captured the paradoxes of our odd lives. We’ve had to contend with stability vs change as well as individuality vs conformity. These challenges have profound ramifications on our lives. The first quarter We started 2022 in a very very dark place. It was only two weeks ago that we interred my dad’s ashes at the columbarium. We trudged along as most people do after a couple of days of “compassionate leave”. It became more and more difficult to live life as per normal. We knew we had to make a choice if we wanted to give ourselves space and time to grieve. That space and time is costly. We fought that perennial conflict between stability and change by drawing out spreadsheets, looking at our bank accounts and evaluated every possible option possible. In the end, we did something very odd. We did something that would attract frowns and shocked faces. We said goodbye to our home. On top of making sure our finances worked we had to choose between our individual needs and conforming to a societally accepted brand of being responsible. We held on to our car thinking we could just travel around Malaysia and Thailand for 3 months before making further plans. The second quarter For 3 months we shuttled between Singapore and Malaysia. It was safe, comfortable and familiar. Every single one of the 7000km was liberating. We caught up on sleep, time together and got into the rhythm of living off our tiny car boot. The Grand Tour rekindled my love for photography, writing and blogging. Debra picked up her pen and started drawing for pleasure again. It was so strange that the supposed instability brought so much solace and stability to our souls. The third quarter In classic odd lifer fashion, we decided to continue our grand tour. We said goodbye to our car and flew to Vietnam. We were now officially living out of two cabin sized suitcases, homeschooling, travelling and blogging. For 6 weeks we saw the most incredible mountains, experienced the craziest traffic and came out with the most ridiculous idea. Debra and I wanted to publish our own books. We needed time and less moving about to get that done. For one month, we worked out the massively daunting process of putting our ideas on paper. We managed to get 'Ravi and Kitty’ out while we stayed put in KL for a month. The fourth quarter We had enough of the city and took a much needed breather in Phuket. This was where “The Aroma of his coffee” was completed. By this point we have travelled for more than 6 months. We were once again faced with the dilemma of choosing between some form of stability or the constant flux of roaming. In the couple of weeks in Batam, we reevaluated our lives. 7 months of travel, grieving and engaging our passions did tremendous things for us. We found that this life of growing with our kids, roaming and honing our craft is what brings us great joy. We scoured the internet for opportunities. How can we marry all of these and keep going? Debra: “Why don’t you go back to school?” Vincent: “Me? Back to school?!” My first thought was “that doesn’t make any sense!” On second thought, it made all the sense to be back in academia. We will be able to continue roaming, homeschooling and growing with the kids. It would give us an opportunity to live abroad longer term. And so the odd life continues. How do we sum up 2022? Annus horribilis or mirabilis? I would say it is both! Out of the deep sorrow, darkness and instability came miracles. We would never have expected ourselves to have these marvellous adventures and experiences. It is even more mind-blowing that in the midst of our grief, we produced books and art we would have never dared to dream of creating. If you told me in January that in December we would be heading to the United Kingdom for the foreseeable future, I would probably scoff. These precious things we acknowledge are ours to hold only by the grace of God. What’s up ahead?  We should already be on our 14.5 hour flight to London when you read this. It is mind-blowing that this year, the Christmas songs about warm fires and cold weather will finally make sense.
The blog will continue to be an integral part of our lives. We will fill you in with our adventures in London very soon! We'll take our time and roam before heading to our long term abode outside of Leicester. We will continue to capture the precious moments and adventures of our odd lives. Hang around www.hirojack.com as we continue to share our stories, art and books with you!  We’ve been incredibly blessed with 24 weeks/almost 6 months of full time travelling, homeschooling and being digital nomads. We set off knowing we needed a break away from the daily grind to just enjoy each other and the journey. It was our own journey of grief. Travelling across Malaysia, Vietnam and now Thailand, we’ve enjoyed many experiences and made many wonderful memories. We have had a lot time to find ourselves, relax, reflect and reconnect with each other. But it still felt like something was missing. As Debra was creating her first published book "Ravi and Kitty", I had a sudden realisation that I could write a book as part of our amazing journey. To be honest, I was apprehensive about writing. I’ve never written or conceptualised a picture book. “Nobody will think anything good about it!” were one of the many self-doubting thoughts that flooded my mind. Then, that still small voice in my heart went “It is for your daddy, mummy, your kids and family”. My heart almost immediately swelled up with passion and inspiration to embark on the project. The core ideas of the book came almost instantly. It must be about COFFEE! There I sat at the dining table, pouring my soul into writing a book that would be a fitting end product of our Grand Tour. THE END PRODUCT  This is the draft sketch of our book. Stay tuned to get a more comprehensive sneak preview soon! First and foremost, I must give due credit to my beloved wife and illustrator of this book. Without her support and countless hours of drawing, none of my ideas would be brought to life. I’m so very proud of how she connected my thoughts and ideas and communicated them so well through the art she produced. She also the artist behind our sticker, art card and t shirt collections. She’s really the better half! This is not just an ordinary book that comes off a regular profit making publishing house’s conveyor belt. "The aroma of his coffee" is our journey down memory lane as we remember a man's love for his family, travel and his coffee. Debra and I will launch this book on 28th September 2022 on what would have been our beloved daddy’s 70th Birthday. This book is first dedicated to my dad. We feel acutely his absence every single day. I feel this is the most fitting way to remember what he meant to us and what we meant to him. WHAT WE HOPE TO ACHIEVE I have also written the book while being profoundly aware that grief and loss is a huge part of everyone’s life. I hope that our book can help others journey through their grief of losing a loved one through remembering. We hope people will be inspired to explore the many forms that memories take. Photographs/Videos have been the primary medium through which we reminisce but we've realised how powerful smells and a sense of place are in rekindling memories. Remembering is always bitter sweet. It can initially feel painful to remember but remembrance can help us cope and inspire our steps ahead. Anyone who has experienced loss and grieve would be familiar with this cycle:
What we really need however is to work through our grief and loss. (As we have discussed in our mental health post how important it is not to just chuck it aside) We need to exercise remembrance to reframe our thoughts, accept the situation and have a go-to coping strategy. Grief will never actually go away. You’ll always miss the person you’ve lost. Working through grief can help to lessen the debilitating effects of the pain and cope better when the wave hits you again. This book has done exactly that for Debra, the kids and I. Being the author/illustrator of the book, we’ve had the fortunate opportunity (or unfortunate for some haha) to read the book a million times before it gets published. It brings out the feelings of loss and pain but at the same time, we are comforted by the fact that we actually shared those wonderful moments. It gives us the impetus to make more of those good memories and do what really matters in the grand scheme of things. This reframing exercise helps us accept the situation and channel the emotions into something positive in our lives. We hope that our story can help you do that too. BOOK LAUNCH E-Books will be immediately available while hard copies will be on pre-order while the press works on producing them. We hope to have your strong and generous support this launch! Follow us on social media or join our mailing list (click login/register above) to get the latest news and updates! TRIP ENDING? You may be wondering if the end product also means that our trip is ending. To be honest, that prospect is looking quite real. We are not sure where we’ll be going next or how this will pan out long term. We hope that our work is well enjoyed and supported and in turn we can keep going for awhile until we decide on the next phase of life. We think that we would like it to go on for a little more. In the meantime, please help us share this post and about our upcoming launch. Let us know your thoughts and comments too!  Jane Marczewski famously made Simon Cowell speechless and shed tears on America's Got Talent with the line above. Going by her stage name Nightbirde, the Singer-songwriter got the coveted golden buzzer for her amazing performance. I loved her voice and the song she wrote. It is extra poignant because she faced a recent divorce after a cancer relapse and only had a 2% chance of survival. Despite the circumstances, she CHOSE happiness. She chose to do what she loved. She died in February this year. Being happy is a feeling indeed but I've come to realise that it is a feeling we can decide to have. The thing is, we CAN feel happy and sad at the same time. We can REFRAME our thoughts and adjust our lives to make room for more happiness. That's exactly what we set out to do 22 weeks ago when we set off on a trip with no end destination in mind. It has been stressful trying to publish books, balance our budgets, school the kids and travel at the same time. Despite the stress and worry, I find that there's still so much room to choose happiness, faith and hope. So how can we decide to be happy? I found this picture Debra took of Gwyn and I walking in the mall when we were back in Kuala Lumpur. This picture alone gave me the inspiration and answer to finding happiness. 1. Contentment/Gratefulness I've always found great difficulty in understanding why a balloon (a piece of coloured rubber filled with air) gave my children so much joy. I realised that they found happiness because they received a gift (in their favourite colour). To an adult, you really can't do much with a ballon other than stare at it or take photos of it. To children, they can come up with a million games involving bouncing, throwing and hitting the ballon. In the same way, life is a gift. Waking up tomorrow is a gift. It is up to us to find joy in the moment through contentment. I truly believe that even on the worst days, we can find something to be grateful for and to be happy about. 2. Numbering your days How many times will get to hold my daughter's hand while she looks at her balloon with immense fascination? How many more years will I have with my kids around my dinner table every single day before they head to University, Army or have their own families? When we realise how little time we have left, it puts things in perspective. That helps us appreciate what we have more and feel that happiness deeper.  I don't claim that being contented and numbering my days to be an easy exercise. I grew up in a society where million dollar properties, a fat bank account, a shiny career and an expensive car defines success. Spending almost all our healthy and years of youth pursuing these things have become almost a commandment and the only way to live life. Societal pressures can be quite daunting at times. It is perhaps wise that we took this trip to reshape our world views and grieve at the same time. This trip we've been on has completely opened my eyes to how little we need to have happiness and joy in our lives. I'll use a little throwback to when we were in Melaka to illustrate this....    We live off two cabin sized suitcases. It is quite obvious we can't bring their collection of toys and furniture on the trip with us. We also believe in giving the kids as much freedom to be kids as possible. After their daily dose of academic exercises, they are free to do whatever they wish. Sounds like a formula for disaster for many parents out there eh? We thought that way too for a moment but we've come to realise how resilient and creative kids can be. They spent hours drawing on the floor with chalk, collecting rocks (pretending to be penguin parents building nests) and playing hopscotch. There were genuinely happy. We don't hear the kids telling us "I'm BORED! There's nothing to play/do!". We got so much of that back in Singapore when they had an entire room full of toys, puzzles, crafts and books. Matthias took my deck of cards (that I sometimes play with Debra in the quiet evenings) and decided he wanted to play solitaire manually. It was a game my late-father played a lot and Matthias learnt while sitting on his lap. I was pleasantly surprised that a deck of cards can occupy him for afternoons on end.    Our evenings nowadays are pretty intense. It is filled with sly deals, sneaky +4s and saying NO. Lowest scores that night will entail some push-ups or squats. The kids have an absolute ball of a time! I'm so glad we are able to create these memories. I'm so glad we are able to fill their core memories up with the simplicity and joys of being together. Trip update: After many days of heavy downpour, we finally got a break in the weather. The sun came out and we headed to Patong beach! And boy, its beautiful!     Now that the monsoon rains are more frequent and the school term has started in the US/UK and Australia, Phuket is experiencing the lull season. It is unsurprising that the beach is a lot cleaner (still has some plastic trash) and less crowded. It is really soul soothing to just sit and enjoy the wide open space.      Even I got interested in digging up the sand to find out what was below and bubbling! I didn't get to find crabs though. If you are a geologist or an expert with beaches, please comment and let us know why are there little holes in the wet sand that release bubbles!? It is so liberating to be on a beach that doesn't want to eat you alive. There aren't mosquitoes or sandflies here! We were gifted one of the most beautiful sunsets we have seen on this trip. It really drove home the message for us. Life is as fleeting as the beauty of these sunsets, we can't wait until it isn't hard anymore to feel happy and enjoy it. We need to seize the moment because life will always throw difficult times at you.     We just want to end off by announcing the title of our second book and to give you a sneak preview of it! "The aroma of his coffee" is our journey down memory lane as we remember a man's love for his family, travel and his coffee. Debra and I have been working together on creating this book that to help others journey through their grief of losing a loved one through remembering. We want people to explore the many forms that memories take. Although Photographs/Videos have been the primary medium through which we reminisce, we've realised how powerful smells (and other senses) are in rekindling memories. Please support our work by generously purchasing our merchandise, art and book at www.hirojack.com :)   Ovid the ancient Roman poet once said.... Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceive us; and there is nothing more fleeting than years We have already travelled around South East Asia for a whole 21 weeks. By the end of our time in Thailand, we would have travelled for almost half a year. To be very honest, we didn't think that we would last this long with the little we had to finance the trip. We still crack our heads about how next month will be. But it has been an incredible feat, a journey by faith and grace. I'll talk about the crazy flight in bit...bear with me.  We know that our years are numbered and life is more than just accumulation of wealth or climbing up shaky ladders that may topple anytime. Having faced the very harsh reality of our mortality, we chose to spend our time and resources building lasting memories and doing what we are passionate about. It has been a mammoth task juggling travel, homeschooling, budget constrains and a post pandemic world. On top of it, we are also walking through a very difficult journey of grief. This is why I'm incredibly proud of Debra who has completed the first book in a series she intends to write. It feels crazy to have an ISBN number allocated to your work and sending a copy to NLB. Ravi and Kitty - A durian discovery (E-BOOK, Tamil & English)
£8.99
E-BOOK - Bilingual (Tamil and English Version) Title: ரவியும் பூனைக்குட்டியும் - ஒரு டுரியான்பழக் கண்டுபிடிப்பு / Ravi and Kitty - A Durian Discovery ISBN: 978-981-18-5361-6 (PDF) 978-981-18-5360-9 (Epub) Page Count: 28 Year Published: 2022 Ravi and Kitty stumble upon something that looks, feels and smells very odd. Join them as they go on an adventure to find out what it is! ரவியும் பூனைக்குட்டியும் நடந்துகொண்டிருந்தபோது, ஏதொ ஒரு வித்தியாசமான பொருள் அவர்களது அருகில் வந்தது. அது என்னவென்று அறியும் முயற்சியில் அவர்கள் இறங்கினர். This book comes with a downloadable activity bundle found in the book! Author Background Ravi and Kitty is a dream that is long time coming. While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. Ravi and Kitty - A durian discovery (E-BOOK, English)
£8.99
E-BOOK - English Version Title: Ravi and Kitty - A Durian Discovery ISBN: 978-981-18-5359-3 (PDF) ISBN: 978-981-18-5358-6 (Epub) Page Count: 28 Year Published: 2022 Ravi and Kitty stumble upon something that looks, feels and smells very odd. Join them as they go on an adventure to find out what it is! This book comes with a downloadable activity bundle found in the book! Author Background Ravi and Kitty is a dream that is long time coming. While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. The Aroma of his Coffee (E-Book)
£8.99
E-BOOK Title: The Aroma of his Coffee ISBN: 978-981-18-5697-6 (PDF) 978-981-18-5696-9 (Epub) Page Count: 36 Year Published: 2022 In this book, we take a journey across the world as we remember a man's love for his family, travel and his coffee. We find comfort in the memory of him through the wonderful aroma of his coffee. Author Background Vincent Kwan is the author and photographer of the "Odd Life Blog". He loves engaging people through his writing about about travel, homeschooling, food and mental health. Despite graduating with a degree in English Literature, he never envisioned that he would ever become a published author. Coping with bereavement brought out his desire to help others walk through their journey of grief. Illustrator Background While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. Her published works include the "Ravi & Kitty" Bilingual series. We are thankful for those who have purchased the books! On top of that we are also already in the process of publishing a second book called "The aroma of his coffee". I've authored this book and Debra is illustrating. This book is very very close to our hearts. Those who personally know us and my dad will know that we absolutely love coffee. The aroma of coffee has brought an enormous amount of comfort, memories and strength in our journey of grief. We hope this book will help others not shy away from reminiscing and remembrance.  We are deeply thankful that we've been able to create this much since we spent a month in KL to focus on writing. We haven't done much travelling in KL but enough to write this post about it! The city was much kinder to us compared to our previous nightmare visit to KL. We even got to meet some old friends and our children had a whale of a time meeting up. So blessed to have a wonderful afternoon at the soft play and a pizza dinner to celebrate Matt and Gwyn's birthdays!   Our 30 day tourist visa quickly came to an end and we had to move on to the next destination. The almost fateful flight We thought we were catching a routine short haul flight from KLIA to Phuket, Thailand! Lo and behold, we had to come face to face with our mortality. We only managed to get Batik Air (previously Malindo Air) tickets because other airlines offered unearthly timings and ridiculous prices. It almost turned out very very wrong. After we were issued the boarding pass, we went through the formalities of security and immigration checks before walking towards the gate printed on the boarding pass. Upon checking the screens indicating departure information at the airport, we realised we were heading the wrong way. The gate for our flight was printed WRONGLY on the card. As the plane filled with passengers, it became really hot in the aircraft. We were all perspiring. The plane also departed late.   The full thrust came in and we were rather violently pushed into our seats. There were sounds of worried squeals on the aircraft. As the pilot accelerated hard down the runway, we were being swayed from side to side pretty hard by the pilot constantly kicking his rudder right and left. It felt like he was struggling to control his aircraft. It was a hot, sunny and still day. I'm not so sure if he was fighting a crosswind. I quickly put that worry behind and just assumed there was a suddenly rush of crosswinds. The flight was uneventful for the next 1 hour but we were rather annoyed that the aircraft had entertainment screens but none was turned on. We had a pretty uncomfortable descent with quite a few shakes and drops but I just assumed it was the clouds causing turbulence. As we rushed down the last 500 feet, it became quite clear that we were in for a pretty harsh landing. True enough, the aircraft landed with a very loud THUD AND CLANK. It sounded like something in the landing gear took a pretty bad beating on that landing. The plane swayed again from side to side again as the pilot engaged reverse thrust to slow the aircraft down. Gwyneth was holding on to her mother for her dear life as Matt and I held on to our seats. I've travelled extensively and have flown enough times to consider myself a seasoned flyer. This wasn't normal at all. I've never had to feel like I was gonna die or experience a serious aviation accident in my entire life. This was just something else. I would definitely avoid Batik Air at all costs in future! Welcome to Phuket The airport was efficient and we cleared immigration, customs and collected our baggage in no time. We were told by the taxi counter staff who claimed that our hotel provided free taxi transfers. We wasted 15 minutes walking back into the terminal and being asked asked to join this resort package sales talk to get a free taxi transfer. Don't waste your time like we did! (unless you would really want to purchase a resort package). We obviously declined! We are just poor aspiring authors, writers and designers! We settled into our accommodation and had a hilarious conversation with the receptionist. I asked him about putting on masks in Thailand because no one wore one outside of the airport. He replied "You see, if you believe you don't have virus, and you don't test, you don't find out! You don't have to go to the hospital! So no need any masks, you are free!" We had a good laugh! Off with the masks then! For the first time in 2 years, we walked down the street with our bare faces, seeing smiles and feeling the wind on our skin. We took an evening stroll through the Patong Beach areas.    The last time we hit the beach was at Port Dickson more than a month ago. It was nice to watch the sun set and be lulled to a relaxed state by the crashing waves. The beach is fast becoming lively again with tourist activities and local doing their Zumba to loud catchy music. We tried to enter Junceylon mall for a stroll and grab our dinner there. We were shocked to find that the mall was closed except for the supermarket and a handful of shops around it. I've been to this Island 5 times and I consider this mall to be the crown jewel of Patong beach! You get all the family friendly entertainment, food and shopping in a large mall. We explored the area further and found many surrounding hotels and resorts abandoned or shut.   It became clear that quite a lot of the tourist oriented businesses have folded after two years of continuous closure. We also discovered numerous other shops and hotels that were shuttered, empty and abandoned all around Patong. It was a sad sight. A quick google search showed that some larger hotels and Jungceylon itself is being refurbished and scheduled to reopen in the 4th quarter for high season of 2022. If you want a quiet and less crowded time in Phuket, now is a good time! If you want to see Phuket in his former glory, it would be better to come by next year! As many businesses shut, a huge new industry has emerged in Thailand. For the first time outside of the US and Holland, we've seen weed (Ganja, Cannabis, marijuana) being sold in public. They are everywhere! Booths, pop up stores and full blown stores selling them. I'm still not very sure how to feel about this development. Still have mixed feelings about it. Smoking anything would harm your health and addiction is a real risk. However, research has also shown that medicinal weed can help ease some very severe illnesses.   Despite the changes in Phuket, we were thankful that affordable and delicious Thai food can still be found! You just have to walk away from where the major tourist crowds gather. We are just so happy that the kids are eating well. No complaints, no protests and fussing at the dinner table. They absolutely love the simple stir fried dishes, fried rice, Pad Thai and omelette dishes. They cost just S$2.30 to S$3.10! There are of course more sophisticated curries, BBQ meats and salt baked fish that don't cost more than a maximum of S$10 a dish.    The weather is also pretty nice in Phuket at the moment. It ranges between 25 to 29 celcius daily. We are surprised it hasn't crossed 31 celcius. You'll still perspire at the beach but it isn't the searing or suffocating heat we experienced in Vietnam. We are positive we could get some sightseeing, beach days and our books completed over the next few weeks here! Drop us some suggestions of family and pocket friendly stuff we can do in Phuket! Thanks for reading and joining us on our journey this week! If you enjoy reading our musings, do consider joining our mailing list to get notifications when the latest one is posted!     We covered how as Singaporeans we are able to homeschool our kids legally in this post. We did cover some aspects of how we teach and what we use on our travels to homeschool them. I felt that I didn’t cover the road schooling aspect sufficiently. Road schooling is basically homeschooling while being on the road (travelling/exploring/roaming). What’s the difference you may ask? Well here is our odd life as Road Schoolers! Permanence vs constant change Most homeschoolers (as the name suggests) are schooled from their homes. Usually there is one homeschool parent at home who is the teacher. They may form groups where they co-teach with other homeschool parents or organise trips/enrichment/playdates. There is some form of permanence in the arrangement and location. Road schoolers on the other hand are travelling and moving from destination to destination. They are usually homeschooled exclusively by their parent/s while they travel. They meet new people and have new classrooms according to their travel plans. Road schoolers have to be lean in the physical items they use for school. They cannot afford to bring an entire physical library with them. This does not mean that they have limited access to materials. It means that they tend to go digital. Homeschoolers have the luxury of more storage space. We carry only... -A stack of writing paper, -Exercise books -Practice books -iPad/Laptop We can't have the luxury of visiting a physical library overseas but we can access Singapore’s National Library’s collection on the Libby app. We can borrow and return books at any time as long as there’s an internet connection. They also use Khan academy (website and apps) often as a supplement.  Reading about it vs being there to experience it Quite often, we are content to show children the maps and talk about landscapes, animals and history through the text books. We acknowledge that we don’t always have the time and resources to let them go where the lesson is and experience it. We realised that road-schooling is a very experiential form of learning. We walked among the tea plants and climbed the steep slopes where rice terraces were situated. They didn’t just get to see and feel the tea leaves, they felt the burn in their legs (and on their skin) and realised how tough farming was.   Visual and auditory learners may be contented with watching a video at their desks but that would be a nightmare for others. Road schooling is a kinaesthetic learner’s dream. You’ll get to walk around in search of clues, look at exhibits and feel them (if permitted). Road schooling kids get more freedom to choose what they will take away from a lesson. Be it a mall or museum, they are learning! We recently visited this amazing little store in Mytown shopping mall that sells and showcases products that the older generation used to consume. It is like a time tunnel we took to travel back to the past when the idea of play and delicious treats were different.          We also had an amazing time of learning and reflection at the National Museum of Malaysia in Kuala Lumpur. We got to physically walk through a journey of how human civilisation came to be in this region. The different exhibitions led us through the lives of the early inhabitants all through colonial rule, Japanese occupation, communist insurgency and independence. Matthias also realised how much of history was treachery. Matthias saw how much culture and History Singapore and Malaysia shared. Did you know the region used to be one piece of land 18000 years ago? The low sea levels meant that we were mostly joined by land which allowed the floral and fauna to travel/spread throughout the region. It's great to learn something new!   Gwyneth's interpretation of the signs... 1. people with children 2. papa's big tummy 3. Old people 4. injured people 5. more old people E.g. Matthias and I would go on Wikipedia to read about the top speed of trains, the rolling stock manufacturers and information about the KL Rapid Transit system. We also learnt of an AMAZING invention in KL called the BRT. An entire network of elevated roads that are solely for the use of buses to the ply the route like a train. These buses are FULLY ELECTRIC. Although we are happy of the positive impact of the network on traffic jams and emissions, we also learnt that Malaysia generates more than 60% of its energy using COAL and more than 30% using natural gas. Singapore also generates 95% of our energy using natural gas. All of which are finite fossil fuels that contribute to global warming and pollution. This is despite both countries being situated near the equator where sunlight is aplenty. These aren’t things you plan to teach an 8 year old but one thing leads to another and it makes learning fun/relevant.   Resilience Schedule changes, flight delays, accommodation change, climate changes, changing road conditions, different cuisines and the ever-changing circumstance of a travelling life builds resilience. It is unlikely that one is able to road school without being minimalists. And that in itself teaches a child that they don’t need a lot. We have been living out of two cabin sized suitcases and our small individual backpacks for close to 20 weeks. It is perfectly fine being content with what we have. Road schooling just provides a rich environment for resilience to be formed. Not just the kids who learn This journey of road schooling isn’t just for the kids. Debra and I have learnt so much in this whole adventure. In fact we’ve learnt to be the solution to our problems. It has been quite a journey trying to get Matthias and Gwyneth sufficient exposure to the Tamil language. Tamil books for young children are really hard to come by even if you have full access to the National Libraries. You will find entire levels of English books, probably half a level of Mandarin books, a whole section of Malay books and ONE SHELF of kids Tamil books. The shelf isn’t even usually full. Debra was initially perplexed and frustrated with this issue. However with much encouragement, she pursued her dream of many years to publish a bilingual book series in Tamil and English for our children.    These books were written with an inclusion of the local context and in future to include scenes inspired by our travels. If possible, we would love to create bilingual versions with English and Mandarin/Malay but we will need help for that.
I’ve experienced a similar journey myself finding materials and stories that may help us in grieving and remembering my dad. The only way I am going to find a book that is specific to our life experience and journey is to write one myself. So I’ve put my English Literature degree to good use and wrote a book of my own in remembrance of my dad. We hope to have your support when they are officially launched soon! Road schooling has been quite a journey for us. What are you thoughts? Share them with us in the comments, anonymous message link (on Instagram) or chat with us!  Our world and Mental Health I am not sure what comes to your mind when the term “Mental Health” is mentioned. “Mental health” has become a sort of a buzz word in the recent years. But…How much do we really know about it? To begin to even understand the magnitude of the situation, let’s look at some facts: -Poor mental health costs the world economy between 2-5 TRILLION USD. These costs come from fall in productivity and treating poor health. -Suicide is the leading cause of death for those aged 10-29 in Singapore. Globally it is the 4th leading cause of death for those aged 15-19. -Mental health issues significantly reduces one’s quality of life -There is still significant discrimination and stigma attached to mental health issues How is this relevant for you? ANYONE can face mental health struggles and issues at ANY time in our lives. It can arise from… -Serious/Chronic health conditions -Distressing life events (E.g. Death of those you are close to, serious accidents, divorce, job loss etc…) -Prolonged stress factors (E.g. Bullying, abuse, unemployment etc…) They can feel overwhelmingly painful and impossible to cope with. We should be careful to detect if our friends and family are struggling. We should also be more self aware and be more open to talk about it and seek help for it. Uncensored I’ve had my fair share of struggles with my mental health over the years. It isn’t the easiest thing to talk about. I’ve also witness close ones struggle with their mental health. Many of these struggles are kept very very private. Culturally it still feels like it is like a dark secret that should be hidden. It is shameful and wrong to share your struggles and weakness. There is still a dangerously dismissive attitude toward mental health struggles in our society that makes it difficult for people to seek help. It is real and we urgently need to fix it! Being a man, I’ve been told that guys who struggle with their mental health are just WEAK. (This is precisely why men are more likely to kill themselves!!!) Instead of offering any form of concern, my wife was told by people (who were close to us then) that I’m a danger to her and my children. She was also told that she should protect herself because I was struggling with a condition. Then there’s that generation that goes…“My generation just do it lah, what depression this and that! Nowadays all just strawberries!!!” It is NOT okay to be dismissive of one's mental health struggles. IT IS ABUSE. We need to call this behaviour out and be there for those we love. The impact of his death My journey of grief didn’t begin when dad passed on. Allow me to recount my journey… My daddy is a product of his time. Born in the 50s, he is a stubbornly responsible man who never took an MC even when he had a fever. He never let the lack of sleep or exhaustion of having just finished a night shift stop him from serving at church the following morning. He always made sure he cleaned the house floor until it squeaked when you walked over it. He would ride his bicycle from Eunos/Kembangan to Punggol (and back) just to see his grand children for awhile. That changed when his body began to give way and was first hospitalised for more than a month in 2019. It was also when his knees started to give way and he would have episodes of suddenly losing all strength and collapsing to the ground while walking. I was able to be his chauffeur and caregiver on his many visits to the hospital. If you’ve been to a public hospital you’ll know that specialist visits are long drawn affairs that can stretch the entire day. I was there when countless tubes of blood was drawn from his arm. I was there when my stubbornly independent daddy refused to be held as he walked unsteadily. Scans, biopsies, putting a huge needle into his face to draw a sample etc etc….I was there. His rare blood cancer also meant he caught on many different infections. At one point, I think he had appointments for close to 10 different specialists in different departments. All of us held on to hope that he will get better. But he didn’t. The treatment and drugs didn’t sort his illness out and he was hospitalised so many times we lost count. Each time he stayed for weeks with little positive outcome. In fact, he had a major infection once that left his right arm with nerve damage. He lost function of that arm and wasn’t able to write for a long period. It was heartbreaking to see daddy frustrated at his disability. It was heartbreaking to see him so frustrated being “imprisoned” in the hospital. Being a cancer patient also meant he wasn’t allowed to have his Covid19 vaccine. The full blown social distancing measures prevented us from having family dinners. He also couldn’t visit malls or head out. I remember there was a time we had to eat our take-out lunch standing up in an open air garden because dining in wasn’t allowed and his appointments stretched from 8am to 5pm. Thinking back, I do cherish the times we sat in the SGH foodcourt and had our lunch, coffee and discussed various topics of life. We also decided at a point that the treatment at SGH wasn’t working. We were very frustrated at the lengthy hospitalisations with no answers, explanation and updates. Not to mention the HOURS we spent waiting at the pharmacy for 5 pills or a tube of cream. The efficiency was NON existent. We transferred him to Mount E where he was seen by another Haematologist. For some months, daddy’s condition saw some stabilisation and improvement. It was when he was also able to take his Covid vaccine and enjoy eating out as a family again. It was also when we spent evenings together playing board games with the children and enjoyed each other’s company. There was a glimpse of hope and some light at the end of the tunnel. Sadly, that didn’t last very long. He had two emergency admissions and it became clear that the cancer had suddenly turned aggressive. It also became quite clear that survival was slim. He spent more and more time asleep because the cancer ate away at his blood cells. No amount of transfusion helped. I managed to share some last moments with him in PPE. Cutting his food into bite sized portions, feeding him, seeing him enjoy his last cup of delicious brewed coffee. One day, they sedated him for a lung procedure to get a sample for detecting the infection but he never exactly regained full consciousness from that. Just like that he slipped into a coma shortly and a brain bleed was detected. The prolonged 2 years of having very little to no white blood cells (the cancer destroyed them) meant his blood vessels were extremely fragile. They opened his skull and tried to stop that bleeding but he passed on less than 24 hours after the surgery because the bleeding couldn’t be stopped and his brains were damaged beyond repair. We were devastated. He was only 69. He has been gone for 8 months, I’m still devastated. The grandchildren still miss him and talk about him every other day. It is still hard to accept that our beloved daddy and yeye is gone. Have you ever felt like you are just so sick of feeling that dreadful feeling of defeat? Of being trampled over? Feeling like you’re good for nothing and nothing good will ever work in your favour? I’ve felt so much of that recently. That gut wrenching sick feeling in your chest. Feeling defeated because I lost my dad to cancer. That glimpse of hope when he was better for a few months and then just absolutely ravaged by the aggressive cancer in the final weeks. It has been 8 months but that feeling of emptiness and helplessness still happens when I get flashbacks of his lifeless body in the ICU. I would dream of walking the corridors and different areas in SGH and Mount Elizabeth with him. I would wake up feeling absolutely defeated. Feeling like crap because we haven't been able to make a trip to NZ work out logistically and financially. Feeling exhausted from the world still being pretty much chaotic from the effects of covid. Feeling tired from the toil of building something from scratch, again. Week after week, month after month you still feel that sinking feeling. You almost just resigned yourself to feeling it forever. Mental Health, grief and our travels Travelling has helped me process my grief. It has become the process of grieving. Travelling has given us space to feel, understand our sadness and to be with our loss. It doesn’t have to be travelling, selling your house and changing your lifestyle entirely like us. Everyone grieves differently. The most important part we would like to encourage people to do is to TAKE TIME TO PROCESS YOUR GRIEF! Starting this blog and talking about my/our journey has helped. TALK TO SOMEONE you can trust. Avail yourself to someone who is grieving, drop them a message to ask them how they are! Being able to intentionally live our lives to the fullest doing something we are passionate about has brought much comfort. It brings much comfort because we know we are able to do what was to be my dad’s last encouraging words. We’ve realised how much of grieving, depression and other mental health challenges require our ACTIVE participation to overcome. Passively “sucking it up” as many toxic people suggest we do is the very thing that will destroy you. Apart from writing about our travels, we have been focused on writing books as a way to remember my dad. I’ve written a book that is close to completion to remember him. (I’ll update more about it as we go along!) With much encouragement, Debra has finally pushed through to work on her long time ambition and passion to publish her very own books. The first book of her very own bilingual book series is finally completed! We are posting a preview of that in our next post this weekend! You can check it out here: www.instagram.com/kwanslearntamil Stay tuned for it! We are always happy to discuss the topics we bring up on our blog! WE are happy to connect with you! Drop us an anonymous question on Instagram or click on the red chat button to chat!  
Trip update:
We fell asleep on the ultra plush 5-star Sofitel bed in Saigon hoping for a good rest before we headed for the dreaded city. Worry plagued our subconscious and our minds were very heightened the whole night. What if things turn out bad or worse than our previous nightmare of an experience? What if we hate it so much that we can’t focus on publishing? What if we run out of money trying to secure a good accommodation? If only we had a little faith… 
Many may ask “Why go back to a city where you’ve had such bad experiences?” There’s so many reasons why we are stuck in the region. An obvious reason is the ridiculously expensive airfares and accommodation across the world due to pent up demand and limited supply. Our limited budget limits our destinations. China, Japan, Hong Kong, Korea and Taiwan are either too restrictive to enter or closed to tourists. The effects of covid on travel are still deeply felt. Some call it fate but we think its divine intervention that we didn’t proceed with flying to Seoul. We posted on Facebook about how we were SO close to getting a PCR test and purchasing the flight ticket during our layover in Singapore. We felt no peace and decided against it. A couple of days later, Seoul experienced a deadly flood.
The flight from Saigon, Vietnam to Kuala Lumpur International Airport was smooth. Our worst nightmares didn’t happen and we are incredibly blessed with a great property in the middle of Kuala Lumpur City Centre. We wake up to the views of the magnificent Petronas Twin towers. 
We will be based in KL for several weeks to focus on publishing our books. We are also working on new designs. You can check these new art pieces inspired by our travels in Vietnam…
That doesn’t mean we won’t be exploring the city and putting up some amazing content! Is Kuala Lumpur the next New York City of Asia? We’ve been here well over a week and we must say that we feel so blessed and happy to be here. It is as if we’ve got a 180 degree flip and the experience is absolutely phenomenal. It begs the question, is this the next NYC of Asia? Anyone who has been to NYC, London and other great cities will tell you that what makes a great city is:
Kuala Lumpur has ALL of these qualities! Seamless transport connectivity Landing in KLIA, you’ll find a dedicated express train line connecting you to the middle of KL. You’ll avoid all the jams and hit the city centre in 40 minutes. If you are familiar with London, this is just like the Heathrow express. We opted for a 1 hour Grab car ride that cost 70RM including tolls to our apartment in the city centre. I must say I’m very impressed with the KL transit system. The trains are comfortable, fast, clean, modern and on-time! Children below six travel free so we don’t have to pay for Gwyneth! We are well connected throughout the city and only have to pay between S$1-S$2 for 3 of us each way. The signs are easy to understand and a lot of the information is very well integrated into google maps. You can navigate anywhere in the city easily via google maps and it will tell you which buses and trains to take. GoKL city buses are FREE buses that plough parallel to many LRT lines around the city centre. There are 5 routes that bring you to all the major attractions and areas in the city centre. Some of the buses are FULLY ELECTRIC buses. The Malaysians have every reason to be proud of KL’s public transport. There are many moments I’ve felt I was somewhere along Singapore’s Circle or North East line! I told Debra a few days back that this is WAY cleaner than parts of the old dingy London Underground. Unparalleled convenience There’s a convenience store round every corner. They don’t charge an arm and a leg for a good snack or drink. We got this massive Cornetto Unicorn ice cream for RM3. 
Grab Car, Foodpanda, Panda Mart and other delivery services work very well here 24/7.
Internet connection here is WAY better than Vietnam in our experience. You get 5G network in some areas of Saigon but it only crawls at a pathetic 7mbps. We easily score 35Mbps on 4G LTE in KL on Celcom network. You’ll find everything you need at the amazing malls across KL. Here are some of the malls we really enjoy here:
KL is also only a 1 hr+ car ride/2 hr bus ride from Genting Highlands. 
Easy access to great food
We’ve been eating very well in KL. Fortunately for us, we look forward to our meals these days. Unfortunately for us, we may be gaining back the weight we lost in Vietnam haha! We did this survey recently about the tastes we miss when travelling 
Feeka Coffee Roasters (Jalan Mesui)
Serves awesome breakfast sets and western dishes. We had our first cup of properly good expresso based Latte in 6 weeks. Special mention of their Vegetarian Tacos, these tiny packages pack some blowing flavour! (The dip makes it even better!) 
Great architecture and culture
We explored the china town area and roamed the alleys around vicinity. What was very apparent is a stark juxtaposition between the new and the old. On one hand, you have a really old street shophouse, temples and a shaky old iron overhead bridge that I remember from my visits in my childhood. On the other hand, you have Merdeka 118, a brand modern engineering marvel being completed in the background. (2nd tallest in the world after Burj Khalifa) 
We also visited Central Market where you’ll find shops selling art and crafts representing the Malaysian cultures. The place has lost a lot of its tenants possibly due to the pandemic. Tourists are slowly streaming back to the area so we hope it’ll be bustling again!
The glory of a great city is its ability to host a diverse population and support peaceful coexistence. 
The people
We’ve been treated very very kindly by people in KL. Our children have been offered seats on EVERY train/bus ride we’ve taken. Even with masks on, the service staff smile and are very patient. Nobody is yelling or honking at each other non-stop. We are surprisingly free from the frustrations of being in a big city. It has been an amazing experience so far! Even in a supposedly world-class Singapore transport system, it is often quite unbearable to travel around the city without your own car. We get really frustrated with the huge crowds, people’s rude stares and inconsiderate behaviour. (Absolutely cannot stand self-entitled people who deny wheelchair users/parents pushing prams from taking the lifts in train stations when they are completely able bodied.) We were actually really anxious about being in an Asian city without our own car. It is completely unexpected that we have had such a good experience. What do you think? Has your experiences in KL been comparable to that of NYC or London? Is KL the next NYC in Asia? |
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