 We are back! We took a break from blogging at the end of September in Thailand and headed to Batam, Indonesia for a couple of weeks to reevaluate our options. We knew we needed to head back to Singapore after 7 months of shuttling about South East Asia. What came out of this was nothing short of a miracle. More on that later! As we review 2022, we would like to first thank our readers so much for reading, sharing and following our odd lives. Back in January 2018 we started this blog as a way to… ‘…connect with our inner selves and with the readers out here. We believe many new adventures await our little family and we hope to be able to capture those precious moments here…The dream has always been to be with our children, live the (penniless) life of an artist and stay-home parent. But I guess being a blogger & shoe designer (that actually earns bucks) isn’t that bad too haha!” (Our first post - 9th January 2018) It is mind-blowing that 4 years later we REALLY did have a whole load of new adventures and many precious moments recorded here. Apart from the exciting travel bits, I think the blog best captured the paradoxes of our odd lives. We’ve had to contend with stability vs change as well as individuality vs conformity. These challenges have profound ramifications on our lives. The first quarter We started 2022 in a very very dark place. It was only two weeks ago that we interred my dad’s ashes at the columbarium. We trudged along as most people do after a couple of days of “compassionate leave”. It became more and more difficult to live life as per normal. We knew we had to make a choice if we wanted to give ourselves space and time to grieve. That space and time is costly. We fought that perennial conflict between stability and change by drawing out spreadsheets, looking at our bank accounts and evaluated every possible option possible. In the end, we did something very odd. We did something that would attract frowns and shocked faces. We said goodbye to our home. On top of making sure our finances worked we had to choose between our individual needs and conforming to a societally accepted brand of being responsible. We held on to our car thinking we could just travel around Malaysia and Thailand for 3 months before making further plans. The second quarter For 3 months we shuttled between Singapore and Malaysia. It was safe, comfortable and familiar. Every single one of the 7000km was liberating. We caught up on sleep, time together and got into the rhythm of living off our tiny car boot. The Grand Tour rekindled my love for photography, writing and blogging. Debra picked up her pen and started drawing for pleasure again. It was so strange that the supposed instability brought so much solace and stability to our souls. The third quarter In classic odd lifer fashion, we decided to continue our grand tour. We said goodbye to our car and flew to Vietnam. We were now officially living out of two cabin sized suitcases, homeschooling, travelling and blogging. For 6 weeks we saw the most incredible mountains, experienced the craziest traffic and came out with the most ridiculous idea. Debra and I wanted to publish our own books. We needed time and less moving about to get that done. For one month, we worked out the massively daunting process of putting our ideas on paper. We managed to get 'Ravi and Kitty’ out while we stayed put in KL for a month. The fourth quarter We had enough of the city and took a much needed breather in Phuket. This was where “The Aroma of his coffee” was completed. By this point we have travelled for more than 6 months. We were once again faced with the dilemma of choosing between some form of stability or the constant flux of roaming. In the couple of weeks in Batam, we reevaluated our lives. 7 months of travel, grieving and engaging our passions did tremendous things for us. We found that this life of growing with our kids, roaming and honing our craft is what brings us great joy. We scoured the internet for opportunities. How can we marry all of these and keep going? Debra: “Why don’t you go back to school?” Vincent: “Me? Back to school?!” My first thought was “that doesn’t make any sense!” On second thought, it made all the sense to be back in academia. We will be able to continue roaming, homeschooling and growing with the kids. It would give us an opportunity to live abroad longer term. And so the odd life continues. How do we sum up 2022? Annus horribilis or mirabilis? I would say it is both! Out of the deep sorrow, darkness and instability came miracles. We would never have expected ourselves to have these marvellous adventures and experiences. It is even more mind-blowing that in the midst of our grief, we produced books and art we would have never dared to dream of creating. If you told me in January that in December we would be heading to the United Kingdom for the foreseeable future, I would probably scoff. These precious things we acknowledge are ours to hold only by the grace of God. What’s up ahead?  We should already be on our 14.5 hour flight to London when you read this. It is mind-blowing that this year, the Christmas songs about warm fires and cold weather will finally make sense.
The blog will continue to be an integral part of our lives. We will fill you in with our adventures in London very soon! We'll take our time and roam before heading to our long term abode outside of Leicester. We will continue to capture the precious moments and adventures of our odd lives. Hang around www.hirojack.com as we continue to share our stories, art and books with you!
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 Jane Marczewski famously made Simon Cowell speechless and shed tears on America's Got Talent with the line above. Going by her stage name Nightbirde, the Singer-songwriter got the coveted golden buzzer for her amazing performance. I loved her voice and the song she wrote. It is extra poignant because she faced a recent divorce after a cancer relapse and only had a 2% chance of survival. Despite the circumstances, she CHOSE happiness. She chose to do what she loved. She died in February this year. Being happy is a feeling indeed but I've come to realise that it is a feeling we can decide to have. The thing is, we CAN feel happy and sad at the same time. We can REFRAME our thoughts and adjust our lives to make room for more happiness. That's exactly what we set out to do 22 weeks ago when we set off on a trip with no end destination in mind. It has been stressful trying to publish books, balance our budgets, school the kids and travel at the same time. Despite the stress and worry, I find that there's still so much room to choose happiness, faith and hope. So how can we decide to be happy? I found this picture Debra took of Gwyn and I walking in the mall when we were back in Kuala Lumpur. This picture alone gave me the inspiration and answer to finding happiness. 1. Contentment/Gratefulness I've always found great difficulty in understanding why a balloon (a piece of coloured rubber filled with air) gave my children so much joy. I realised that they found happiness because they received a gift (in their favourite colour). To an adult, you really can't do much with a ballon other than stare at it or take photos of it. To children, they can come up with a million games involving bouncing, throwing and hitting the ballon. In the same way, life is a gift. Waking up tomorrow is a gift. It is up to us to find joy in the moment through contentment. I truly believe that even on the worst days, we can find something to be grateful for and to be happy about. 2. Numbering your days How many times will get to hold my daughter's hand while she looks at her balloon with immense fascination? How many more years will I have with my kids around my dinner table every single day before they head to University, Army or have their own families? When we realise how little time we have left, it puts things in perspective. That helps us appreciate what we have more and feel that happiness deeper.  I don't claim that being contented and numbering my days to be an easy exercise. I grew up in a society where million dollar properties, a fat bank account, a shiny career and an expensive car defines success. Spending almost all our healthy and years of youth pursuing these things have become almost a commandment and the only way to live life. Societal pressures can be quite daunting at times. It is perhaps wise that we took this trip to reshape our world views and grieve at the same time. This trip we've been on has completely opened my eyes to how little we need to have happiness and joy in our lives. I'll use a little throwback to when we were in Melaka to illustrate this....    We live off two cabin sized suitcases. It is quite obvious we can't bring their collection of toys and furniture on the trip with us. We also believe in giving the kids as much freedom to be kids as possible. After their daily dose of academic exercises, they are free to do whatever they wish. Sounds like a formula for disaster for many parents out there eh? We thought that way too for a moment but we've come to realise how resilient and creative kids can be. They spent hours drawing on the floor with chalk, collecting rocks (pretending to be penguin parents building nests) and playing hopscotch. There were genuinely happy. We don't hear the kids telling us "I'm BORED! There's nothing to play/do!". We got so much of that back in Singapore when they had an entire room full of toys, puzzles, crafts and books. Matthias took my deck of cards (that I sometimes play with Debra in the quiet evenings) and decided he wanted to play solitaire manually. It was a game my late-father played a lot and Matthias learnt while sitting on his lap. I was pleasantly surprised that a deck of cards can occupy him for afternoons on end.    Our evenings nowadays are pretty intense. It is filled with sly deals, sneaky +4s and saying NO. Lowest scores that night will entail some push-ups or squats. The kids have an absolute ball of a time! I'm so glad we are able to create these memories. I'm so glad we are able to fill their core memories up with the simplicity and joys of being together. Trip update: After many days of heavy downpour, we finally got a break in the weather. The sun came out and we headed to Patong beach! And boy, its beautiful!     Now that the monsoon rains are more frequent and the school term has started in the US/UK and Australia, Phuket is experiencing the lull season. It is unsurprising that the beach is a lot cleaner (still has some plastic trash) and less crowded. It is really soul soothing to just sit and enjoy the wide open space.      Even I got interested in digging up the sand to find out what was below and bubbling! I didn't get to find crabs though. If you are a geologist or an expert with beaches, please comment and let us know why are there little holes in the wet sand that release bubbles!? It is so liberating to be on a beach that doesn't want to eat you alive. There aren't mosquitoes or sandflies here! We were gifted one of the most beautiful sunsets we have seen on this trip. It really drove home the message for us. Life is as fleeting as the beauty of these sunsets, we can't wait until it isn't hard anymore to feel happy and enjoy it. We need to seize the moment because life will always throw difficult times at you.     We just want to end off by announcing the title of our second book and to give you a sneak preview of it! "The aroma of his coffee" is our journey down memory lane as we remember a man's love for his family, travel and his coffee. Debra and I have been working together on creating this book that to help others journey through their grief of losing a loved one through remembering. We want people to explore the many forms that memories take. Although Photographs/Videos have been the primary medium through which we reminisce, we've realised how powerful smells (and other senses) are in rekindling memories. Please support our work by generously purchasing our merchandise, art and book at www.hirojack.com :)   Ovid the ancient Roman poet once said.... Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceive us; and there is nothing more fleeting than years We have already travelled around South East Asia for a whole 21 weeks. By the end of our time in Thailand, we would have travelled for almost half a year. To be very honest, we didn't think that we would last this long with the little we had to finance the trip. We still crack our heads about how next month will be. But it has been an incredible feat, a journey by faith and grace. I'll talk about the crazy flight in bit...bear with me.  We know that our years are numbered and life is more than just accumulation of wealth or climbing up shaky ladders that may topple anytime. Having faced the very harsh reality of our mortality, we chose to spend our time and resources building lasting memories and doing what we are passionate about. It has been a mammoth task juggling travel, homeschooling, budget constrains and a post pandemic world. On top of it, we are also walking through a very difficult journey of grief. This is why I'm incredibly proud of Debra who has completed the first book in a series she intends to write. It feels crazy to have an ISBN number allocated to your work and sending a copy to NLB. Ravi and Kitty - A durian discovery (E-BOOK, Tamil & English)
£8.99
E-BOOK - Bilingual (Tamil and English Version) Title: ரவியும் பூனைக்குட்டியும் - ஒரு டுரியான்பழக் கண்டுபிடிப்பு / Ravi and Kitty - A Durian Discovery ISBN: 978-981-18-5361-6 (PDF) 978-981-18-5360-9 (Epub) Page Count: 28 Year Published: 2022 Ravi and Kitty stumble upon something that looks, feels and smells very odd. Join them as they go on an adventure to find out what it is! ரவியும் பூனைக்குட்டியும் நடந்துகொண்டிருந்தபோது, ஏதொ ஒரு வித்தியாசமான பொருள் அவர்களது அருகில் வந்தது. அது என்னவென்று அறியும் முயற்சியில் அவர்கள் இறங்கினர். This book comes with a downloadable activity bundle found in the book! Author Background Ravi and Kitty is a dream that is long time coming. While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. Ravi and Kitty - A durian discovery (E-BOOK, English)
£8.99
E-BOOK - English Version Title: Ravi and Kitty - A Durian Discovery ISBN: 978-981-18-5359-3 (PDF) ISBN: 978-981-18-5358-6 (Epub) Page Count: 28 Year Published: 2022 Ravi and Kitty stumble upon something that looks, feels and smells very odd. Join them as they go on an adventure to find out what it is! This book comes with a downloadable activity bundle found in the book! Author Background Ravi and Kitty is a dream that is long time coming. While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. The Aroma of his Coffee (E-Book)
£8.99
E-BOOK Title: The Aroma of his Coffee ISBN: 978-981-18-5697-6 (PDF) 978-981-18-5696-9 (Epub) Page Count: 36 Year Published: 2022 In this book, we take a journey across the world as we remember a man's love for his family, travel and his coffee. We find comfort in the memory of him through the wonderful aroma of his coffee. Author Background Vincent Kwan is the author and photographer of the "Odd Life Blog". He loves engaging people through his writing about about travel, homeschooling, food and mental health. Despite graduating with a degree in English Literature, he never envisioned that he would ever become a published author. Coping with bereavement brought out his desire to help others walk through their journey of grief. Illustrator Background While Debra Sherni was reading child psychology, she took extra interest to specialise in writing and publishing as it was her real passion. That all took a backseat when she started a family and her own little business. Little did she know that home educating her children will rekindle her passion for writing and illustrating. She strives to create engaging stories that encourage children to explore their world. She hopes that her bilingual stories will also kindle the joy of learning their mother tongues. Her published works include the "Ravi & Kitty" Bilingual series. We are thankful for those who have purchased the books! On top of that we are also already in the process of publishing a second book called "The aroma of his coffee". I've authored this book and Debra is illustrating. This book is very very close to our hearts. Those who personally know us and my dad will know that we absolutely love coffee. The aroma of coffee has brought an enormous amount of comfort, memories and strength in our journey of grief. We hope this book will help others not shy away from reminiscing and remembrance.  We are deeply thankful that we've been able to create this much since we spent a month in KL to focus on writing. We haven't done much travelling in KL but enough to write this post about it! The city was much kinder to us compared to our previous nightmare visit to KL. We even got to meet some old friends and our children had a whale of a time meeting up. So blessed to have a wonderful afternoon at the soft play and a pizza dinner to celebrate Matt and Gwyn's birthdays!   Our 30 day tourist visa quickly came to an end and we had to move on to the next destination. The almost fateful flight We thought we were catching a routine short haul flight from KLIA to Phuket, Thailand! Lo and behold, we had to come face to face with our mortality. We only managed to get Batik Air (previously Malindo Air) tickets because other airlines offered unearthly timings and ridiculous prices. It almost turned out very very wrong. After we were issued the boarding pass, we went through the formalities of security and immigration checks before walking towards the gate printed on the boarding pass. Upon checking the screens indicating departure information at the airport, we realised we were heading the wrong way. The gate for our flight was printed WRONGLY on the card. As the plane filled with passengers, it became really hot in the aircraft. We were all perspiring. The plane also departed late.   The full thrust came in and we were rather violently pushed into our seats. There were sounds of worried squeals on the aircraft. As the pilot accelerated hard down the runway, we were being swayed from side to side pretty hard by the pilot constantly kicking his rudder right and left. It felt like he was struggling to control his aircraft. It was a hot, sunny and still day. I'm not so sure if he was fighting a crosswind. I quickly put that worry behind and just assumed there was a suddenly rush of crosswinds. The flight was uneventful for the next 1 hour but we were rather annoyed that the aircraft had entertainment screens but none was turned on. We had a pretty uncomfortable descent with quite a few shakes and drops but I just assumed it was the clouds causing turbulence. As we rushed down the last 500 feet, it became quite clear that we were in for a pretty harsh landing. True enough, the aircraft landed with a very loud THUD AND CLANK. It sounded like something in the landing gear took a pretty bad beating on that landing. The plane swayed again from side to side again as the pilot engaged reverse thrust to slow the aircraft down. Gwyneth was holding on to her mother for her dear life as Matt and I held on to our seats. I've travelled extensively and have flown enough times to consider myself a seasoned flyer. This wasn't normal at all. I've never had to feel like I was gonna die or experience a serious aviation accident in my entire life. This was just something else. I would definitely avoid Batik Air at all costs in future! Welcome to Phuket The airport was efficient and we cleared immigration, customs and collected our baggage in no time. We were told by the taxi counter staff who claimed that our hotel provided free taxi transfers. We wasted 15 minutes walking back into the terminal and being asked asked to join this resort package sales talk to get a free taxi transfer. Don't waste your time like we did! (unless you would really want to purchase a resort package). We obviously declined! We are just poor aspiring authors, writers and designers! We settled into our accommodation and had a hilarious conversation with the receptionist. I asked him about putting on masks in Thailand because no one wore one outside of the airport. He replied "You see, if you believe you don't have virus, and you don't test, you don't find out! You don't have to go to the hospital! So no need any masks, you are free!" We had a good laugh! Off with the masks then! For the first time in 2 years, we walked down the street with our bare faces, seeing smiles and feeling the wind on our skin. We took an evening stroll through the Patong Beach areas.    The last time we hit the beach was at Port Dickson more than a month ago. It was nice to watch the sun set and be lulled to a relaxed state by the crashing waves. The beach is fast becoming lively again with tourist activities and local doing their Zumba to loud catchy music. We tried to enter Junceylon mall for a stroll and grab our dinner there. We were shocked to find that the mall was closed except for the supermarket and a handful of shops around it. I've been to this Island 5 times and I consider this mall to be the crown jewel of Patong beach! You get all the family friendly entertainment, food and shopping in a large mall. We explored the area further and found many surrounding hotels and resorts abandoned or shut.   It became clear that quite a lot of the tourist oriented businesses have folded after two years of continuous closure. We also discovered numerous other shops and hotels that were shuttered, empty and abandoned all around Patong. It was a sad sight. A quick google search showed that some larger hotels and Jungceylon itself is being refurbished and scheduled to reopen in the 4th quarter for high season of 2022. If you want a quiet and less crowded time in Phuket, now is a good time! If you want to see Phuket in his former glory, it would be better to come by next year! As many businesses shut, a huge new industry has emerged in Thailand. For the first time outside of the US and Holland, we've seen weed (Ganja, Cannabis, marijuana) being sold in public. They are everywhere! Booths, pop up stores and full blown stores selling them. I'm still not very sure how to feel about this development. Still have mixed feelings about it. Smoking anything would harm your health and addiction is a real risk. However, research has also shown that medicinal weed can help ease some very severe illnesses.   Despite the changes in Phuket, we were thankful that affordable and delicious Thai food can still be found! You just have to walk away from where the major tourist crowds gather. We are just so happy that the kids are eating well. No complaints, no protests and fussing at the dinner table. They absolutely love the simple stir fried dishes, fried rice, Pad Thai and omelette dishes. They cost just S$2.30 to S$3.10! There are of course more sophisticated curries, BBQ meats and salt baked fish that don't cost more than a maximum of S$10 a dish.    The weather is also pretty nice in Phuket at the moment. It ranges between 25 to 29 celcius daily. We are surprised it hasn't crossed 31 celcius. You'll still perspire at the beach but it isn't the searing or suffocating heat we experienced in Vietnam. We are positive we could get some sightseeing, beach days and our books completed over the next few weeks here! Drop us some suggestions of family and pocket friendly stuff we can do in Phuket! Thanks for reading and joining us on our journey this week! If you enjoy reading our musings, do consider joining our mailing list to get notifications when the latest one is posted!     We covered how as Singaporeans we are able to homeschool our kids legally in this post. We did cover some aspects of how we teach and what we use on our travels to homeschool them. I felt that I didn’t cover the road schooling aspect sufficiently. Road schooling is basically homeschooling while being on the road (travelling/exploring/roaming). What’s the difference you may ask? Well here is our odd life as Road Schoolers! Permanence vs constant change Most homeschoolers (as the name suggests) are schooled from their homes. Usually there is one homeschool parent at home who is the teacher. They may form groups where they co-teach with other homeschool parents or organise trips/enrichment/playdates. There is some form of permanence in the arrangement and location. Road schoolers on the other hand are travelling and moving from destination to destination. They are usually homeschooled exclusively by their parent/s while they travel. They meet new people and have new classrooms according to their travel plans. Road schoolers have to be lean in the physical items they use for school. They cannot afford to bring an entire physical library with them. This does not mean that they have limited access to materials. It means that they tend to go digital. Homeschoolers have the luxury of more storage space. We carry only... -A stack of writing paper, -Exercise books -Practice books -iPad/Laptop We can't have the luxury of visiting a physical library overseas but we can access Singapore’s National Library’s collection on the Libby app. We can borrow and return books at any time as long as there’s an internet connection. They also use Khan academy (website and apps) often as a supplement.  Reading about it vs being there to experience it Quite often, we are content to show children the maps and talk about landscapes, animals and history through the text books. We acknowledge that we don’t always have the time and resources to let them go where the lesson is and experience it. We realised that road-schooling is a very experiential form of learning. We walked among the tea plants and climbed the steep slopes where rice terraces were situated. They didn’t just get to see and feel the tea leaves, they felt the burn in their legs (and on their skin) and realised how tough farming was.   Visual and auditory learners may be contented with watching a video at their desks but that would be a nightmare for others. Road schooling is a kinaesthetic learner’s dream. You’ll get to walk around in search of clues, look at exhibits and feel them (if permitted). Road schooling kids get more freedom to choose what they will take away from a lesson. Be it a mall or museum, they are learning! We recently visited this amazing little store in Mytown shopping mall that sells and showcases products that the older generation used to consume. It is like a time tunnel we took to travel back to the past when the idea of play and delicious treats were different.          We also had an amazing time of learning and reflection at the National Museum of Malaysia in Kuala Lumpur. We got to physically walk through a journey of how human civilisation came to be in this region. The different exhibitions led us through the lives of the early inhabitants all through colonial rule, Japanese occupation, communist insurgency and independence. Matthias also realised how much of history was treachery. Matthias saw how much culture and History Singapore and Malaysia shared. Did you know the region used to be one piece of land 18000 years ago? The low sea levels meant that we were mostly joined by land which allowed the floral and fauna to travel/spread throughout the region. It's great to learn something new!   Gwyneth's interpretation of the signs... 1. people with children 2. papa's big tummy 3. Old people 4. injured people 5. more old people E.g. Matthias and I would go on Wikipedia to read about the top speed of trains, the rolling stock manufacturers and information about the KL Rapid Transit system. We also learnt of an AMAZING invention in KL called the BRT. An entire network of elevated roads that are solely for the use of buses to the ply the route like a train. These buses are FULLY ELECTRIC. Although we are happy of the positive impact of the network on traffic jams and emissions, we also learnt that Malaysia generates more than 60% of its energy using COAL and more than 30% using natural gas. Singapore also generates 95% of our energy using natural gas. All of which are finite fossil fuels that contribute to global warming and pollution. This is despite both countries being situated near the equator where sunlight is aplenty. These aren’t things you plan to teach an 8 year old but one thing leads to another and it makes learning fun/relevant.   Resilience Schedule changes, flight delays, accommodation change, climate changes, changing road conditions, different cuisines and the ever-changing circumstance of a travelling life builds resilience. It is unlikely that one is able to road school without being minimalists. And that in itself teaches a child that they don’t need a lot. We have been living out of two cabin sized suitcases and our small individual backpacks for close to 20 weeks. It is perfectly fine being content with what we have. Road schooling just provides a rich environment for resilience to be formed. Not just the kids who learn This journey of road schooling isn’t just for the kids. Debra and I have learnt so much in this whole adventure. In fact we’ve learnt to be the solution to our problems. It has been quite a journey trying to get Matthias and Gwyneth sufficient exposure to the Tamil language. Tamil books for young children are really hard to come by even if you have full access to the National Libraries. You will find entire levels of English books, probably half a level of Mandarin books, a whole section of Malay books and ONE SHELF of kids Tamil books. The shelf isn’t even usually full. Debra was initially perplexed and frustrated with this issue. However with much encouragement, she pursued her dream of many years to publish a bilingual book series in Tamil and English for our children.    These books were written with an inclusion of the local context and in future to include scenes inspired by our travels. If possible, we would love to create bilingual versions with English and Mandarin/Malay but we will need help for that.
I’ve experienced a similar journey myself finding materials and stories that may help us in grieving and remembering my dad. The only way I am going to find a book that is specific to our life experience and journey is to write one myself. So I’ve put my English Literature degree to good use and wrote a book of my own in remembrance of my dad. We hope to have your support when they are officially launched soon! Road schooling has been quite a journey for us. What are you thoughts? Share them with us in the comments, anonymous message link (on Instagram) or chat with us!  Our world and Mental Health I am not sure what comes to your mind when the term “Mental Health” is mentioned. “Mental health” has become a sort of a buzz word in the recent years. But…How much do we really know about it? To begin to even understand the magnitude of the situation, let’s look at some facts: -Poor mental health costs the world economy between 2-5 TRILLION USD. These costs come from fall in productivity and treating poor health. -Suicide is the leading cause of death for those aged 10-29 in Singapore. Globally it is the 4th leading cause of death for those aged 15-19. -Mental health issues significantly reduces one’s quality of life -There is still significant discrimination and stigma attached to mental health issues How is this relevant for you? ANYONE can face mental health struggles and issues at ANY time in our lives. It can arise from… -Serious/Chronic health conditions -Distressing life events (E.g. Death of those you are close to, serious accidents, divorce, job loss etc…) -Prolonged stress factors (E.g. Bullying, abuse, unemployment etc…) They can feel overwhelmingly painful and impossible to cope with. We should be careful to detect if our friends and family are struggling. We should also be more self aware and be more open to talk about it and seek help for it. Uncensored I’ve had my fair share of struggles with my mental health over the years. It isn’t the easiest thing to talk about. I’ve also witness close ones struggle with their mental health. Many of these struggles are kept very very private. Culturally it still feels like it is like a dark secret that should be hidden. It is shameful and wrong to share your struggles and weakness. There is still a dangerously dismissive attitude toward mental health struggles in our society that makes it difficult for people to seek help. It is real and we urgently need to fix it! Being a man, I’ve been told that guys who struggle with their mental health are just WEAK. (This is precisely why men are more likely to kill themselves!!!) Instead of offering any form of concern, my wife was told by people (who were close to us then) that I’m a danger to her and my children. She was also told that she should protect herself because I was struggling with a condition. Then there’s that generation that goes…“My generation just do it lah, what depression this and that! Nowadays all just strawberries!!!” It is NOT okay to be dismissive of one's mental health struggles. IT IS ABUSE. We need to call this behaviour out and be there for those we love. The impact of his death My journey of grief didn’t begin when dad passed on. Allow me to recount my journey… My daddy is a product of his time. Born in the 50s, he is a stubbornly responsible man who never took an MC even when he had a fever. He never let the lack of sleep or exhaustion of having just finished a night shift stop him from serving at church the following morning. He always made sure he cleaned the house floor until it squeaked when you walked over it. He would ride his bicycle from Eunos/Kembangan to Punggol (and back) just to see his grand children for awhile. That changed when his body began to give way and was first hospitalised for more than a month in 2019. It was also when his knees started to give way and he would have episodes of suddenly losing all strength and collapsing to the ground while walking. I was able to be his chauffeur and caregiver on his many visits to the hospital. If you’ve been to a public hospital you’ll know that specialist visits are long drawn affairs that can stretch the entire day. I was there when countless tubes of blood was drawn from his arm. I was there when my stubbornly independent daddy refused to be held as he walked unsteadily. Scans, biopsies, putting a huge needle into his face to draw a sample etc etc….I was there. His rare blood cancer also meant he caught on many different infections. At one point, I think he had appointments for close to 10 different specialists in different departments. All of us held on to hope that he will get better. But he didn’t. The treatment and drugs didn’t sort his illness out and he was hospitalised so many times we lost count. Each time he stayed for weeks with little positive outcome. In fact, he had a major infection once that left his right arm with nerve damage. He lost function of that arm and wasn’t able to write for a long period. It was heartbreaking to see daddy frustrated at his disability. It was heartbreaking to see him so frustrated being “imprisoned” in the hospital. Being a cancer patient also meant he wasn’t allowed to have his Covid19 vaccine. The full blown social distancing measures prevented us from having family dinners. He also couldn’t visit malls or head out. I remember there was a time we had to eat our take-out lunch standing up in an open air garden because dining in wasn’t allowed and his appointments stretched from 8am to 5pm. Thinking back, I do cherish the times we sat in the SGH foodcourt and had our lunch, coffee and discussed various topics of life. We also decided at a point that the treatment at SGH wasn’t working. We were very frustrated at the lengthy hospitalisations with no answers, explanation and updates. Not to mention the HOURS we spent waiting at the pharmacy for 5 pills or a tube of cream. The efficiency was NON existent. We transferred him to Mount E where he was seen by another Haematologist. For some months, daddy’s condition saw some stabilisation and improvement. It was when he was also able to take his Covid vaccine and enjoy eating out as a family again. It was also when we spent evenings together playing board games with the children and enjoyed each other’s company. There was a glimpse of hope and some light at the end of the tunnel. Sadly, that didn’t last very long. He had two emergency admissions and it became clear that the cancer had suddenly turned aggressive. It also became quite clear that survival was slim. He spent more and more time asleep because the cancer ate away at his blood cells. No amount of transfusion helped. I managed to share some last moments with him in PPE. Cutting his food into bite sized portions, feeding him, seeing him enjoy his last cup of delicious brewed coffee. One day, they sedated him for a lung procedure to get a sample for detecting the infection but he never exactly regained full consciousness from that. Just like that he slipped into a coma shortly and a brain bleed was detected. The prolonged 2 years of having very little to no white blood cells (the cancer destroyed them) meant his blood vessels were extremely fragile. They opened his skull and tried to stop that bleeding but he passed on less than 24 hours after the surgery because the bleeding couldn’t be stopped and his brains were damaged beyond repair. We were devastated. He was only 69. He has been gone for 8 months, I’m still devastated. The grandchildren still miss him and talk about him every other day. It is still hard to accept that our beloved daddy and yeye is gone. Have you ever felt like you are just so sick of feeling that dreadful feeling of defeat? Of being trampled over? Feeling like you’re good for nothing and nothing good will ever work in your favour? I’ve felt so much of that recently. That gut wrenching sick feeling in your chest. Feeling defeated because I lost my dad to cancer. That glimpse of hope when he was better for a few months and then just absolutely ravaged by the aggressive cancer in the final weeks. It has been 8 months but that feeling of emptiness and helplessness still happens when I get flashbacks of his lifeless body in the ICU. I would dream of walking the corridors and different areas in SGH and Mount Elizabeth with him. I would wake up feeling absolutely defeated. Feeling like crap because we haven't been able to make a trip to NZ work out logistically and financially. Feeling exhausted from the world still being pretty much chaotic from the effects of covid. Feeling tired from the toil of building something from scratch, again. Week after week, month after month you still feel that sinking feeling. You almost just resigned yourself to feeling it forever. Mental Health, grief and our travels Travelling has helped me process my grief. It has become the process of grieving. Travelling has given us space to feel, understand our sadness and to be with our loss. It doesn’t have to be travelling, selling your house and changing your lifestyle entirely like us. Everyone grieves differently. The most important part we would like to encourage people to do is to TAKE TIME TO PROCESS YOUR GRIEF! Starting this blog and talking about my/our journey has helped. TALK TO SOMEONE you can trust. Avail yourself to someone who is grieving, drop them a message to ask them how they are! Being able to intentionally live our lives to the fullest doing something we are passionate about has brought much comfort. It brings much comfort because we know we are able to do what was to be my dad’s last encouraging words. We’ve realised how much of grieving, depression and other mental health challenges require our ACTIVE participation to overcome. Passively “sucking it up” as many toxic people suggest we do is the very thing that will destroy you. Apart from writing about our travels, we have been focused on writing books as a way to remember my dad. I’ve written a book that is close to completion to remember him. (I’ll update more about it as we go along!) With much encouragement, Debra has finally pushed through to work on her long time ambition and passion to publish her very own books. The first book of her very own bilingual book series is finally completed! We are posting a preview of that in our next post this weekend! You can check it out here: www.instagram.com/kwanslearntamil Stay tuned for it! We are always happy to discuss the topics we bring up on our blog! WE are happy to connect with you! Drop us an anonymous question on Instagram or click on the red chat button to chat!  
Trip update:
We fell asleep on the ultra plush 5-star Sofitel bed in Saigon hoping for a good rest before we headed for the dreaded city. Worry plagued our subconscious and our minds were very heightened the whole night. What if things turn out bad or worse than our previous nightmare of an experience? What if we hate it so much that we can’t focus on publishing? What if we run out of money trying to secure a good accommodation? If only we had a little faith… 
Many may ask “Why go back to a city where you’ve had such bad experiences?” There’s so many reasons why we are stuck in the region. An obvious reason is the ridiculously expensive airfares and accommodation across the world due to pent up demand and limited supply. Our limited budget limits our destinations. China, Japan, Hong Kong, Korea and Taiwan are either too restrictive to enter or closed to tourists. The effects of covid on travel are still deeply felt. Some call it fate but we think its divine intervention that we didn’t proceed with flying to Seoul. We posted on Facebook about how we were SO close to getting a PCR test and purchasing the flight ticket during our layover in Singapore. We felt no peace and decided against it. A couple of days later, Seoul experienced a deadly flood.
The flight from Saigon, Vietnam to Kuala Lumpur International Airport was smooth. Our worst nightmares didn’t happen and we are incredibly blessed with a great property in the middle of Kuala Lumpur City Centre. We wake up to the views of the magnificent Petronas Twin towers. 
We will be based in KL for several weeks to focus on publishing our books. We are also working on new designs. You can check these new art pieces inspired by our travels in Vietnam…
That doesn’t mean we won’t be exploring the city and putting up some amazing content! Is Kuala Lumpur the next New York City of Asia? We’ve been here well over a week and we must say that we feel so blessed and happy to be here. It is as if we’ve got a 180 degree flip and the experience is absolutely phenomenal. It begs the question, is this the next NYC of Asia? Anyone who has been to NYC, London and other great cities will tell you that what makes a great city is:
Kuala Lumpur has ALL of these qualities! Seamless transport connectivity Landing in KLIA, you’ll find a dedicated express train line connecting you to the middle of KL. You’ll avoid all the jams and hit the city centre in 40 minutes. If you are familiar with London, this is just like the Heathrow express. We opted for a 1 hour Grab car ride that cost 70RM including tolls to our apartment in the city centre. I must say I’m very impressed with the KL transit system. The trains are comfortable, fast, clean, modern and on-time! Children below six travel free so we don’t have to pay for Gwyneth! We are well connected throughout the city and only have to pay between S$1-S$2 for 3 of us each way. The signs are easy to understand and a lot of the information is very well integrated into google maps. You can navigate anywhere in the city easily via google maps and it will tell you which buses and trains to take. GoKL city buses are FREE buses that plough parallel to many LRT lines around the city centre. There are 5 routes that bring you to all the major attractions and areas in the city centre. Some of the buses are FULLY ELECTRIC buses. The Malaysians have every reason to be proud of KL’s public transport. There are many moments I’ve felt I was somewhere along Singapore’s Circle or North East line! I told Debra a few days back that this is WAY cleaner than parts of the old dingy London Underground. Unparalleled convenience There’s a convenience store round every corner. They don’t charge an arm and a leg for a good snack or drink. We got this massive Cornetto Unicorn ice cream for RM3. 
Grab Car, Foodpanda, Panda Mart and other delivery services work very well here 24/7.
Internet connection here is WAY better than Vietnam in our experience. You get 5G network in some areas of Saigon but it only crawls at a pathetic 7mbps. We easily score 35Mbps on 4G LTE in KL on Celcom network. You’ll find everything you need at the amazing malls across KL. Here are some of the malls we really enjoy here:
KL is also only a 1 hr+ car ride/2 hr bus ride from Genting Highlands. 
Easy access to great food
We’ve been eating very well in KL. Fortunately for us, we look forward to our meals these days. Unfortunately for us, we may be gaining back the weight we lost in Vietnam haha! We did this survey recently about the tastes we miss when travelling 
Feeka Coffee Roasters (Jalan Mesui)
Serves awesome breakfast sets and western dishes. We had our first cup of properly good expresso based Latte in 6 weeks. Special mention of their Vegetarian Tacos, these tiny packages pack some blowing flavour! (The dip makes it even better!) 
Great architecture and culture
We explored the china town area and roamed the alleys around vicinity. What was very apparent is a stark juxtaposition between the new and the old. On one hand, you have a really old street shophouse, temples and a shaky old iron overhead bridge that I remember from my visits in my childhood. On the other hand, you have Merdeka 118, a brand modern engineering marvel being completed in the background. (2nd tallest in the world after Burj Khalifa) 
We also visited Central Market where you’ll find shops selling art and crafts representing the Malaysian cultures. The place has lost a lot of its tenants possibly due to the pandemic. Tourists are slowly streaming back to the area so we hope it’ll be bustling again!
The glory of a great city is its ability to host a diverse population and support peaceful coexistence. 
The people
We’ve been treated very very kindly by people in KL. Our children have been offered seats on EVERY train/bus ride we’ve taken. Even with masks on, the service staff smile and are very patient. Nobody is yelling or honking at each other non-stop. We are surprisingly free from the frustrations of being in a big city. It has been an amazing experience so far! Even in a supposedly world-class Singapore transport system, it is often quite unbearable to travel around the city without your own car. We get really frustrated with the huge crowds, people’s rude stares and inconsiderate behaviour. (Absolutely cannot stand self-entitled people who deny wheelchair users/parents pushing prams from taking the lifts in train stations when they are completely able bodied.) We were actually really anxious about being in an Asian city without our own car. It is completely unexpected that we have had such a good experience. What do you think? Has your experiences in KL been comparable to that of NYC or London? Is KL the next NYC in Asia?  Anniversaries and birthdays tend to remind me to consider my mortality. It teaches me to number my days and savour the moments. Do you feel this way too? I spent my last 7 years being a stay home dad, homeschool teacher and entrepreneur. I have had a lot more time with my wife and children compared to most people. But it still feels like the time flashed by. The babies I carried in my arms are now running around, talking back and will probably be off to college before I know it. The studio shoot The best way to keep memories in my opinion is to photograph and write about them. It is ironic that as a photographer, the last thing that I'd do is pay someone to take photographs of me and edit them. It is like an occupational hazard. Well, that's where you need a better half. Debra was the one who suggested taking studio photos and I reluctantly agreed.    The photos turned out really nice although the process of taking them were rather exhausting. If we got paid for asking Gwyn to look at the Camera, we'd be rich by now. She even put up a strike nearing the end of the shoot. Nothing some Haribo gummy bribe couldn't do.... The whole cost including the clothes, make up, studio and photographer was about 2 million Dong ($118 SGD). This would have cost us $500 bucks in Singapore... When we got back to the hotel, we flipped through our iPhoto albums to compare the pictures for fun. Oh, we laughed till our tummies hurt. Unlike most people who accumulate wealth, we accumulated fats, white hair and wrinkles. haha! If you missed out on our epic 10 year journey story, read it here!  When we looked way better.... Our time in Saigon We didn't do very much in Saigon. We visited Saigon Central Post Office and had the intention to visit the Notre Dame Cathedral of Saigon but it is currently being refurbished. We also took the Saigon River bus to catch a glimpse of the Landmark 81 building (2nd tallest in South East Asia). Saigon (Ho Chi Minh city) is really the up and coming economic power in South East Asia. The amount of foreign direct investments is very apparent when you travel through the city. In fact, Singapore is the biggest foreign direct investor in Vietnam. You'll find tall buildings occupied by Keppel and Mapletree. There is even a mall in town that is named Vivocity. You'll also find NTUC Fairprice's joint venture supermarkets and Cheers convenience shops across the city. We were surprised to find that the bread wrapped ice-cream/ice-cream wafer got exported there too! It is a HUGE contrast to what you'll find in Hanoi and other smaller cities. The subway system in Saigon is also near completion.              We are spoilt Singaporeans We've enjoyed a good 6 weeks being in Vietnam seeing the most epic mountains, learning about the cultural heritage of the tribes, understand the war from the Vietnamese perspective and savouring some tasty Vietnamese dishes. But to be very honest, we are starting feel a little weary. There are things we just cannot get used to. We are in no way criticising the Vietnamese and their way of life. It is just not something we are comfortable living with. Our biggest struggle as a family is the food in Vietnam. I know of people who absolutely enjoy the Vietnamese cuisine. We do like a few dishes ourselves. But we are so SPOILT by the wide (and VERY affordable) selection in Singapore and Malaysia. We also miss the taste of spice in our food.      When we left the small town for the sprawling metropolis in Saigon, we found more food we are familiar with. But they can cost MORE than you'll pay in Singapore/Malaysia. Another thing that we are very uncomfortable with is the noise in Vietnam. The very loud talking (sounds like yelling to us) all across Vietnam is something we never got used to. In hotels that more locals visit, you'll often be woken up by locals who all seem to be early risers. They would yell across the corridor to speak with their friends or family in another room at 5am in the morning. We had to move hotel because we just got so sick of being woken up by yelling. The hotel breakfast was catered more to the local tastebuds too. Although we are no longer startled by the incessant honking, it is still something we can't drone out and ignore. A good number of people have little concept of personal space (especially the older folks) and queue cutting is also something we find unpleasant. Our celebration! Since it was our 10th Anniversary weekend, we took the opportunity to celebrate it at our favourite brand of hotels. We've been to Sofitel Heathrow, KL Damansara and now Sofitel Saigon Plaza. Guaranteed an awesome bed, a comfortable room and a great breakfast.      Gwyneth REJOICED when she found cereal and milk again at a hotel breakfast buffet. We took it for granted that it will always be possible to go to a local supermarket and find breakfast cereal, we were so wrong. The more local supermarkets in less touristy areas often don't carry cereals. Those that do sell them at a premium. We still think that Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) is a great place to spend a short vacation. You can find 5 star hotels that charge a fraction of what Singapore hotels charge. You will find many well stocked shopping malls with a wide array of good food. Grab rides are cheaper than Hanoi and the cars are of better quality. It just isn't a place we will base ourselves out of to get our books, art and photography done.  The kids got their first taste of boarding from a remote stand.  Up the stairs we go... We decided to slow down and give ourselves more time to create our work in a place with the comforts of familiar food. We were extremely apprehensive given how the last two visits to KL gave us anxiety attacks. We were very lucky to find an apartment right smack in the CBD and very affordable too. We hopped on a VietJet (Vietnamese budget airlines) flight to KLIA. We are so thankful that everything went smoothly other than a 45 minute delay on the tarmac due to a technical fault that needed fixing. Farewell Vietnam!  KLIA  Look at her satisfied face!  YUMS! ALL OF US were so grateful to be back in Malaysia. When Gwyn realised she was going to Malaysia halfway through the flight she thanked Debra so loudly a few rows of ppl looked at her HAHA! It felt like we were going back to a 2nd home. The immigration officers greeted us and smiled at us. We had lunch at the airport and we never smiled so much. FRIED RICEEEEEEEEEE and SAMBALLLLLLLLLL. Yes we are hopeless spoilt Singaporeans..... We took a grab car to our accommodation. (Costs 70.50RM including toll) The ride was so peaceful. No honking and no dangerous manoeuvres. Grateful and relieved that the apartment is clean, comfortable and offers a gorgeous view!  We've already got a line up of posts prepared for August. We have planned a list of places in KL to visit. This time we are visiting places on public transport! Before we go, let us know in the comments what are things you can't live without when you're overseas?
 A quick trip update... We left Hanoi and Sapa on a return flight to Singapore with plans to travel to Korea. But it didn’t turn out in our favour because we found out there was a need for THREE swabs…. 1. Pre-flight ART/PCR, 2. Arrival PCR 3. 6th/7th day ART The airport clinic was OVERFLOWING with people to the point that I thought we’ll probably catch covid from trying to get a test to prove we don’t have the virus. In the end we decided to take a short trip to the South of Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh City/Saigon) since we haven’t seen it yet. We are in the process of collating content for a new blog post on that! The 12 hour overnight layover in Singapore was absolutely exhausting despite being in the world’s best airport. It was such a relief when the plane took off and we were rewarded with some mind boggling views.     Watch us ascend through the clouds on this reel!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgoaoDhA9Un/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Now we answer two of the biggest queries! Are you not worried about retirement? Since we’ve posted our almost viral post (https://www.hirojack.com/blog/10-years-of-marriage-we-sold-everything), we’ve got quite a few questions about our “homelessness” and nomad lifestyle which ultimately leads to the first question about retirement. The short answer is Yes and No. Before I begin on my longer answer, I would like to make it clear that these are my opinions and they are highly subjective. To properly answer this question, we need to first tackle the preconceived notions of retirement, what’s the best way to live our lives. There isn’t a “best way” to live one’s life to be honest but in Singapore, the large majority of people focus their lives around these things: 1. HDB/Property 2. Promotion/Corporate ladder 3. Investments, savings and hoarding. 4. “Face” (Having the things and lifestyle) The “safe route” to retirement The modus operandi for most would be to pour 30++% (if you include interests you pay the bank/HDB and your own CPF account) of your gross income into a HDB flat/property. Some homeowners spend almost ALL of their CPF savings each month on their property loans. This property is expected to appreciate in value just as our parents generation experienced. Sell off the property and make a handsome profit so you’ll have a nest egg for retirement. This way makes us more worried and uncomfortable. In fact, I don’t think it will work. Just because it worked for our parents, it doesn’t mean it will work for us. Properties have appreciated 500-700% from 30 years ago, I cannot imagine it growing that amount given how slow salaries have been rising. That means that even if there is appreciation, it wouldn’t be enough for a nest egg. Moreover, we will be putting all our eggs in a basket that decays. All leasehold properties aren’t forever homes, the lose their value. Nobody owns a HDB property. Everyone is a HDB flat lease owner with the ability to resell that lease. (You ask for permission to renovate, HDB inspects the unit when you sell it off because the building belongs to them) You are the lessee and HDB is the lessor. It's in the documents you sign. That means HDB has full reign over SERS and redevelopment. It is no certainty that this investment you make with 30+% of your gross income will always work out the same way it did. Along with the flat, people put in long hours into their careers and investments at the expense of only spending a couple of hours with their kids daily. Having nice things matter to them a lot more than other things in life. We don’t see the appeal in these. We can’t bring ourselves to build our lives around things we don’t believe in or don’t see value in. These are very personal choices, we are not saying that wanting items 1-4 is wrong. There’s nothing wrong with it if you’ve weighed your options and find it worthy enough to dedicate your life work to it. This safe route makes us a lot more worried about retirement. So yes we are worried. We are worried that our children will grow up not having that personal connection and collection of childhood memories with their parents. We are worried that in our old age, the property we spent our life savings on will be taken away, redeveloped and lose its value entirely. We are worried that even if we have made a fortune from selling the nest egg, we will put a huge amount of it back into medical/care bills. We are worried that having dedicated our working lives to a career that we build our identity around, we will have to experience the trauma of losing that identity through retirement. The path we choose to take We have chosen to carve a career for ourselves. One that we don’t have to retire from. One that we don’t want to retire or take a holiday from. One that gives us time to grow with our children. Like everyone else, we eventually want to have a property we can call home. We don’t need a house that’s worth a million dollars. We just want a home that we really own and be able to pass it down. We want to live in a place where we pay our taxes all through our working lives as a society and have free healthcare as a right. We want to be where we have the right to manage our savings for retirement the way we deem fit. We know this isn’t a perfectly fool proof plan. But countries that offer what we want also affords a right to freely protest, challenge and change the government that does not work in the best interests of its people. Travelling, migration, building a career, homeschooling our kids....What have we gotten ourselves into HAHA! At the end of the day, no plan is foolproof or superior. This is just the way of life we find worthy of investing our lifework in. It is the way that makes us less worried. How much does it cost to travel a month like that We’ve not been able to travel beyond ASEAN for now. The airfares and accommodation prices are too extreme and so we are staying within Asia for now. The costs here can get you a month in places like Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, South Korea and Indonesia. The prices are quoted for 2 adults and 2 children aged below 8 years. -Air travel around the ASEAN region typically cost $200-500 one way. This fluctuates. If you book early, it’ll be cheaper. -Monthly accommodation generally costs between $600 to $2000 a month. We try a mix of home stays, hotels and Airbnb properties. Month long stays typically get you quite a good discount. But don’t expect super luxurious -Food, groceries, attractions and grab etc we try to keep within $700-$1200 a month. We cook and eat at local places as much as possible to keep the costs down. When we slow down and get school/writing done with less travelling it can go as low as $2500/month. When we are out and about exploring many locations, it could go as high as $4000+/month What’s next? Our next post will feature what we’ve done for the past week in Saigon. We are really excited to feature an activity we did to celebrate 10 years together! We are happy to make more posts answering your questions too! Keep the questions coming.  A love story and union that always went against the grain, against immense objections and against the odds will celebrate its 10th Anniversary in a week’s time. Join us on an epic journey that led to our grand tour and The Odd Life Blog.
I was lucky she didn’t run away Debra and I met 18 years ago in church in the most unlikely of circumstances. We weren’t in the same small group or zone groupings but somehow we were always randomly paired to lead youth camp groups for 4-5 years consecutively. We hated each other’s guts in those early years but somehow enjoyed chatting on the now defunct MSN messenger. She was someone I would look forward to talking to after a long day of training in the Army or a stressful day in school. She was there chatting with me in the long cold winter nights despite the time difference in the UK. I think we shared many positive feelings for each other but I never saw it beyond a great friend. We never went out but this went on for 7 years. We were both fresh out of school and at the crossroads of our lives when somehow magic happened and we discussed the possibility of dating. The most romantic thing wasn’t flowers which Debra hates (lucky me!). What’s romantic was our desire not to waste time in a relationship that would not have the best chance at lasting and bearing fruit. We discussed extensively our plans, goals, careers, the possibility of a long distance relationship, opportunity costs of marriage etc. I must be the luckiest man on earth that she didn’t run away. We eventually decided to date and it is the most incredible feeling to be with someone who had been a constant friend for 7 years. Unpretentious and so comfortably familiar. It rained brimstones and hail Several months into dating, a series of extraordinary events happened. I was invited to her family Christmas party but was told to not come at the last minute. It was baffling. This was almost like a premonition of what was to come. As the time progressed, we started having random people in church telling us we shouldn’t be together. We should reconsider etc. We were young adults at that point who had a vision for our relationship, with plans to buy a HDB flat and to work towards marriage a couple of years later. But that was not what her parents and the church community had in mind. The more they pressed us to leave each other, the more we pressed on. I proposed and Debra said yes. Almost a year passed and this culminated in an orchestrated storm of brimstones and hail from all corners. I was man-handled and almost punched by a supposed leader I defied for holding my fiancé hands in the service. Obey or leave, that was my ultimatum. It came to the point I had to make a police report for my own safety and threaten to sue. Debra was forced to a corner. Leave me or leave home. I did nothing to deserve what Debra chose. She left home. We never intended to be on our own. We thought we had two years to build our way for a nice wedding, a marriage that our families celebrated. We chose love and commitment It was a point of no return. It was the point we chose for ourselves. 10 years ago on August 3rd 2012, we were joined in matrimony in small ceremony at the ROM with no fanfare. Debra cried sad tears because among the guests were her fuming parents who stormed out shortly after we signed. Why they chose to subject us to such trauma is still a mystery. But we, and by we I mean Debra, myself and my parents, chose love and commitment. My parents accepted Debra and loved her like their own. That’s something I will always be grateful for. My parents made it a point to always give us good counsel and reminded us to honour our parents. Mummy would tell us “no matter what, they are still her parents and raised her”. They reminded us about forgiveness. Fixing what went wrong It took an entire year to find our footing in our faith again before we returned to my childhood church. We were newly married and struggled though what most couples struggle with as we learnt to make marriage work. The last thing we wanted was a wedding ceremony to relive all the turmoil we had to experience at ROM. Eventually though my mum persuaded me to not short change Debra for her wedding dress moment and for God and His people to bless our marriage. We had a small church wedding ceremony to celebrate our marriage a year later so our families could come together and make right what went awry. It was not without its problems but we pressed on. We put our past behind and took our first steps toward normality in our relationship and marriage. Difficult battles We committed to marriage at 22 and 25. That’s pretty young by today’s standards.That also meant we had less resources than most couples who choose marriage a whole 5 to 10 years later. We pressed on hard to build our careers but we were clear we wanted to raise children while we are young. We had Matthias 1.5 years into our marriage and Gwyneth came 3 years after Matt. The severe lack of sleep, long hours and stress of being a new parent eventually broke me. I battled physical and mental illnesses for years. Choosing the path less travelled Debra was supportive when I decided to quit a stable and well paying job to be home with Matthias until I could find a job. Debra had her own battles at work that led her to quit eventually. We just couldn’t find jobs that fit. With the last thousand dollars in my bank, we bought a sewing machine in faith. That was how Hiro & Jack Co. started. We definitely don’t recommend starting a business on your last thousand dollars from scratch. There were many moments that the bills, loans and commitments broke us. I’m very thankful it didn’t break our marriage or family. We had very very little money, long nights of work while we raised our children. There were days we only had just enough coins left to buy economic rice. Homeschooling the children was yet another massive commitment we chose over sending them to school. There is a heavy price to pay for our personal conviction to raise little ones the way we deem healthy and afford them the autonomy to learn at their own pace. Thank You Lord for your blessings on us We didn’t build an empire or a business that raked in millions. We recovered our investment and my dad’s kind seed money that he very kindly gifted us. Still we didn’t have a lot because everything went into raising the children and growing the business. There were many moments we wanted to give up. We cried tears and we raised our voices in frustration. But there is so much that we are grateful for in the past 6 years building a marriage, a home and a business together. We always had a roof above us, food on the table, shoes on our feet, the love of my parents and God. Death, grief and what really matters It has always been our dream to travel and perhaps settle somewhere that didn’t cost us so much personally and financially to live a slower life. The pandemic had other ideas for two whole years. Life had other ideas too. Dad was diagnosed with cancer just 2-3 years post retirement. He worked all his life and it was only deserving he enjoyed his golden years with my mom and the grandchildren he loved to bits. It was being self employed and a homeschooling parent that gave me the opportunity to be with my dad a lot more than I would be allowed if I had a regular job. It is also because I had a capable wife who held the fort when I had to be there for my dad at short notice. She cooked, cared for the kids and worked on products/designs. When dad’s cancer turned aggressive, he left us just 2-3 weeks after that. It broke all of our hearts. 69 is too young to go. As I’ve mentioned several times, his last words were "enjoy life as much as possible, be grateful”. He worked so hard for the family and his retirement but never got the opportunity to savour it for a few more years. That opened our eyes to what really mattered at the end of the day. We sold everything Many may think we’ve probably got a big bunch of cash and a rich family backing that allows us this privilege to build the life we want on our own terms. We don’t. We really don’t. We sold our flat and gave up our car. I think we have 5 small barley loaves, 2 fishes and a tiny bit of faith in our hearts? People have called us foolish, reckless and irresponsible. There will be more who will mock us for how “little” we have and will have. When Debra and I decided to marry, we didn’t marry for a flat, a car or a fat juicy bank account. When we chose to take this incredible journey in pursuit of happiness and a well-lived life on our terms. We paid dearly for our choices but I can say we don’t regret it one bit. We have also reaped the rewards of having each other’s love and company every day. We grow as a couple and with our kids. We walked the last years with our beloved dad. Potest Qui Vult This latin phrase means “He who wills, can”. As we look forward to the journeys ahead, we know that if we are tenacious and have faith, God will make a way for us. Our 10 years of marriage has been absolutely mental. A younger me wouldn’t believe that we could have survived this journey together. There were so many moments that could stop us from making it so far. I can only thank God for giving me a wife whose aspirations are so aligned with mine. I am so thankful that Debra is so hardy, so brave and loves me despite the really rough journey we’ve had. We are so thankful for His grace in our lives. We hope our journey has inspired you. Through our writing, photography and art, we hope that our audience can find love, peace, faith, courage in your own journeys. If our stories resonate with you, please support our work. We need your love and generosity to keep this journey going. A purchase on our shop or a donation will go a long way in keeping the journey going. A comment, like or share means a lot to us. It helps us reach a wider audience. We also appreciate your kind words and conversations via chat!  We have stationed ourselves 1500m above sea level for the past couple of weeks and briefly spent a day at 3142m last week. (Read it here) Although it isn't as hot as Hanoi or London at this moment, it still feels like 30 celcius when the sun is out while you're hiking up a mountain. The evenings have been generally cool (around 18-22 celcius) and it is the best time to take long walks or hang out in the town square. I think being in a more rural area has taught us to look up and around more. We've learnt to pause and appreciate the flora and fauna around us, watch the sunset and savour the cold breeze. It is as if God the artist decides to magically transform the same scene on the canvas differently every day.  Bright sunny days can be very different too! The clouds reveal or hide the mountain's features depending on where they are in the sky. Sometimes it is FULL of clouds, sometimes there are none.  The sunset colours are mind boggling here. You get hues of pink, orange, yellow, blue and purple.  It is hard to get sick of this view outside your window when the scene is never the same everyday!  On a clear night, you'll get stars and see lights of the town nearby  Some days it is a complete white out when the clouds decide to descend. Having caught up with school work, sleep and blogging we decided to head out for a good hike yesterday. We walked a total of about 7km with climbed down 245m and made 200m of elevation gain. We are super proud of the two kids because this is not something we do a lot. In fact, Gwyneth spent half of her life growing up indoors. I'm not sure if there's a correlation, but both kids are EXTREMELY afraid of insects and animals. They instantly panic when they see dogs or cats move in their general direction. I'm thankful that the majority of free roaming dogs in Vietnam are very calm and mind their own business. In fact they are so well behaved that they put to shame many of the out-of-control, leash tugging and aggressive pet dogs in Singapore. This has helped so much with positive reinforcement that not all creatures are out to harm them.   The views as we hiked towards Cat Cat Village EXPLORING CAT CAT VILLAGE We decided to visit Cat Cat Village that is about 3km from the Sapa town centre in Lao Cai province, northern Vietnam. We walked all the way from the town centre and was a little sweaty. The inclines are quite challenging and you get ALOT of traffic zooming past you. It can get quite muddy if you've had a downpour as the erosion flows onto the road. The village is a kind of a living replica tourist village that shows the H'mong people's culture and traditions. I know of many reviews that talk about how this isn't an "authentic" home of the H'mong people and it is just a tourist trap. I think that regardless whether you visit the hill tribes at their "real" home or not, the experience will be curated. All places that cater to tourism will alter themselves to meet tourist needs in one way or another. There is no need for us to be too critical about it. After all, the operation of this village benefits the H'mong people financially, provides jobs and bring attention to their art and way of life. We enjoyed ourselves seeing the beautiful architecture nestled in the hills. Summer is the best time to see the really enchanting rice terraces. The waterfalls and river adds beauty to an already picturesque location. Do note that the entire village is in the mountains so you'll have to climb MANY steps. Prams and Wheelchairs won't work here. If you suffer from mobility issues, you may want to pay for a taxi or electric buggy to take you to Cat Cat Village and back. They tend to not run their meters for this destination. This is one of the ways you'll get scammed! We'll touch on some how we can avoid these scam tactics in habit!  90,000 Dong for adults and 50,000 Dong for kids!   The rice paddies are in a very beautiful shade of green! They look amazing this time of year!  This is the touristy bit haha!  Drinks and rest area    Very beautiful terraces and behind that I believe is a lot of hard physical labour.  It is amazing how their handmade structures are so sturdy.  Bamboo is a very important material in their constructions!   The main village situated in the valley where the river flows.       Here in the village you'll find shops renting out traditional costumes for tourists to get dressed up and take photos. You'll also find the H'mong people at work creating their traditional fabrics and handicraft. There are functional waterwheels, and a dried up bank of the river that allows you to get close to the water to get more pictures! Pretty idyllic eh? Do check out this hilarious reel we made about the reality of the country side: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgMRl_oA1g5/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link       You descend into the valley, you'll climb up to get out of it.  A very shaky bridge that takes you out of the village. Now this was when it got difficult. The sun was setting and shining in our faces, we've already walked for at least 3 hours. It was uphill all the way back to the town centre. The cabs, buggies and motorcycles are scamming tourists between 150,000 to 250,000 dong for a 10 minute ride back to town. (The usual price is about 75,000-85,000 for that distance). Drinks cost more at the exit because you are thirsty and you need the drinks. We bit the bullet and climbed uphill for a while before we found another taxi that agreed to take us back to our accommodation at a regular price. HOW TO AVOID SCAM TACTICS WHILE TRAVELLING When you are travelling there is no escape from meeting taxi drivers, food establishments and shops that will try to scam you. It is however possible to avoid being scammed! Here are 3 simple points to help you game these scammers and make your trip a lot more memorable for the right reasons! 1. BE PREPARED Scammers thrive on our knowledge gaps and attack in our moments of vulnerability. Being prepared is the best way to avoid this. How can I be prepared? - Read up on your destination E.g. Scammers pretend to tell you that the destination is closed and want to transport you to visit another place for "free". They can pretend to be officials asking for additional fees to enter the attraction etc... - Pack water and some emergency snacks Far too many shops don't put on price tags on their items in tourist areas. They WILL sell you items at exorbitant prices. - Get small change by using your big notes at safer establishments like in the airport or convenience shops. Taxi driver and shop keepers like to use this tactic to cheat! You hand them a big note and they will pretend that they have no change. - Take photos and videos of the condition of vehicles/equipment you rent BEFORE LEAVING "Sir, madam you damage the car/jetski or motorbike! Pay money!". This is a very common tactic to extort money from you. Always film or photograph an item before you begin the rental. Most reputable rental companies provide a checking form where the rental agent will do a walk around with you and mark the existing damages before the rental begins. If it really boils down to getting the police involved, having evidence is always better than having none. 2. AGREE ON A PRICE FIRST Scammers like to deliver services and goods without clear indication of prices. Once you've consumed the items or used their services, they will extort as much money as they wish -Transport/Taxi If you need a taxi or other forms of taxis, tell the driver your destination, agree on a price or insist they use a meter. Never hop on and hope for for the best price. -Food establishements Always check the prices of items you purchase. Note down what you consumed! Make them weigh items in front of you. 3. WALK AWAY -Agreed on price but still try to extort more It isn't fool proof even if you have agreed on a price. Transport or service providers may still try to extort you with additional fees, surcharges or whatever ridiculous charges they can think of. Learn to pay the agreed amount and to walk off! If you have luggage in the taxi/transport, the escape plan is to ask him to open the boot before you settle the payment. One person unloads, next person just gives the agreed amount and then politely say no more money and walk off into the hotel or mall. If you are buying something and the price drastically increases at point of payment despite negotiation, learn to walk away. You don't have to buy from someone who wants to scam you. -Don't have exact change and person refuses to return change Sometimes we have to learn to cut our losses. If it really doesn't cost us much, don't risk fighting over change. Just let it go and walk away. You are in a foreign place and you won't know if they might pull a knife or gun on you. -Ignore touts/people who pester you to buy things on streets Ignore them and walk away. The more you engage them, the more chance you'll give them to manipulate, scam, rob or pickpocket. Sometimes I do feel like it is something rude to do but that is actually the best way to protect yourself. Travel safe! Always remember don't fly, soar!  |
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