We all have a favourite dish, shoe, t-shirt, friend and child. It is inevitable that we show preference toward a particular child among our children. To say that you don't have a favourite would be a lie! "Why is that so?" you may ask. 

You see, humans have very diverse behavioural patterns. We speak differently, respond differently and each have different preferences. We show preference for everything down to the colour of our socks. When we are emotionally involved in a relationship with another human being, we form complex emotions around the experiences we accumulate.

Every child is different and unique. We therefore form very diverse experiences with our children. It is only human and logical to prefer one over another because you get along better. Although showing preference may be a normal human behaviour, we can practice these 3 behaviours to avoid harming our children. 

Behaviour #1 (You shall not neglect the others despite having a favourite child)
There must be a conscious effort to devote equal time, love and effort towards all the children. Gwyneth is daddy's girl and Matthias is mummy's boy but that doesn't mean we neglect the other child. You can say I prefer Gwyneth better because we get along easier. Debra gets along with Matthias better without clashing because their characters compliment each other. We are however very conscious about devoting as much time to reading to both children, playing with both children and showing loving affection to both of them. Having a favourite or a preference does not mean you love one less than the other. You can prefer one child over the other but you should NEVER neglect the others.

Behaviour #2 (Ensure you don't show open bias)
Children lose all respect when parents show open bias toward a particular child. We must emphasise that it is normal to have a favourite but it is wrong to be openly biased, unfair or discriminatory. When a child behaves badly, you apply the same rules to all your children. You don't give a child more resources because he/she is your favourite. Such bias and unfairness will breed bitterness and strife among your children. A good example to illustrate this point would choosing a partner to sit with on a bus ride. You will have a favourite child to sit with. It becomes toxic when you reject sitting with all but your favourite child. 

Behaviour #3 (Emphasise teamwork and reflection)
To err is human. We will find ourselves struggling at times or giving the impression of unfairness/favouritism among our children. The best behaviour to adopt would be to be open with your children and reflect together as a team. Admit your mistakes and think about how your actions may have affected the children. After all, a family unit works together to make family work. When one part of a body is hurt, the whole body suffers. When something surfaces, always work on an outcome that restores love and unity. 

Read many other interesting and useful posts on parenting HERE!
Topics include: Screen time, Feed your child McDonald's, developing talents and the best head-start for your child. 

#2 Most enchanting experience - Spend a relaxing day at Hyde Park!

I would rank Hyde Park among the BEST parks in the world. You would think, "Hey! you guys have Gardens by the Bay in Singapore don't you?". Yes we do. The problem is, you cannot walk for 15 minutes without soaking your shirt with perspiration in the year-round tropical heat/humidity. I hear Brits complaining about how miserable their weather is all the time while studying in Loughborough. I do admit my ears do hurt when it gets bitterly cold but I love it that you don't need to perspire or feel miserably sticky most times of the year. Okay I need to stop rambling about the weather (a habit I've picked up in the UK!)

Walk along The Serpentine (Lake) and watch the swans, ducks and geese!  If you are visiting between March to October, you can get into a paddle boat and soak in the views from the calm waters. Find a shady spot and have a picnic! The juxtaposition of a green, peaceful and quiet place right in the middle of busy London makes it such an enchanting experience. 

​Debra and I LOVE this park to bits. We basically just sat on a park bench together, stared into the stunning open space and lost track of time. 

#3 Most enchanting experience - Spend a day at Hyde Park Winter Wonderland

Debra and I have such fond memories of enjoying this amazing winter/Christmas spectacle together. You can enjoy rides, games and amazing food at this fair! Best part: FREE ENTRY!
When we brought Matthias to Winter Wonderland in Singapore last December, we showed him our London photos and wanted to give him an idea of what we were visiting. Sadly, he was utterly disappointed and called it 'Winter RuinLand'. The scale of the London Winter Wonderland is just humongous. You get full scale roller coaster rides and countless little huts and family friendly rides

We enjoyed some amazing hot chips, sausages and mulled wine while strolling along in the winter cold. It was a comforting feeling that is beyond description. It may be a little difficult to stay away from all the very attractive candies!

It is certainly somewhere a couple or family can do together and make wonderful memories together. The weather may be cold but the festivities and being with your loved ones warms the heart and soul. 

Coming soon: Posts on our trip to Nottingham,Loughborough Manchester, Cambridge and Wales!

Enjoyed this post?You can read about our New Zealand adventures HERE!

The great lure of London took us 10,841km (6736 miles) across the globe from Singapore. It is a trip that we often look back (with a little heart ache) with the hope of returning soon. London is a beautiful city. I would even argue that London is a city of love. (Paris is wonderful but just not my cup of tea). 

I became acquainted with London while studying at Loughborough University. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the quietness of a small town, a city boy with itchy feet couldn't sit by the fire all through the long, wet and cold winters in England. That resulted in dozens of train trips  down to London. This time however, we were visiting London the first time together as a married couple. 

Singapore is well connected to London and flight prices are pretty competitive. You can get Sale tickets for as low as S$800++ for a 13.5hr flight. 

Flights from SIN to LHR worth considering:
Direct flights: Singapore Airlines, British Airways, Qantas
1 stopover: Emirates, Qatar, Malaysia Airlines 

Most of the time, I fly Qantas (QF) and British airways (BA) because I avoid connecting flights as much as I can. You can get economy tickets on QF and BA at between S$1390++ and S$1800++ depending on when you book the tickets. Singapore Airlines (SQ) START at S$2100++. I don't think the better service from Singapore Airlines justify paying an average of S$500 more. Business class is at least $3000 more on SQ compared to BA. 

We caught the British Airways 11pm flight which is in my opinion the best timing to get over jet lag. You board the plane, have your dinner, watch a movie, sip your wine, wake up and its morning in London!

#Tip 1 Don't save on hotel bookings!

We stayed in Sofitel London Heathrow for our entire time in London. IT HAS THE BEST BED I HAVE EVER SLEPT ON IN A HOTEL. (Nobody paid me for this review) If you want your day to be romantic, you can't be sleep deprived. If you want your nights to be romantic, you cannot have a horrible bed. It was perfect for us because it was quiet and away from the crowd. A quiet retreat is a perfect place to fall deeper in love! The interior and fittings were luxurious and the hotel staff were friendly and helpful. We chose to stay in the airport hotel because we wanted to be away from the noise of the city. (Police/ambulance sirens can get pretty annoying!) The only issue is that this is all the way in Zone 6 and the city centre is in Zone 1 and 2. It takes an hour to get to the city by London Underground. You could pay more and catch the Heathrow Express to London Paddington Station in 15 minutes. 

#Tip 2 Explore London together!

Walking around London is one of the most romantic things to do! Here are some places we think are amazing for couples to make great memories...

​1. Shakespeare's Globe 
If both of you are into poetry and plays, catch a play together! Read your lover some poetry aloud by the courtyard, tell them your “Love comforeth like sunshine after rain...Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain" 

2. Walk/Sail along the Thames 
The river provides some amazing views of the city's most prominent bridges and historical buildings. Catch a river bus (just tap the Oyster card you use for the Tube/Buses) if you are tired. 

​3. Walk around Covent Garden 
It has some of the poshest and most beautiful restaurants to have an amazing romantic dinner. The fashion and craft shops around the area are worth exploring together!

4. Stuff your faces together at Chinatown
You get some of the most amazing roast meat and Chinese delicacies here. You make some of the greatest memories at the dinner table. 

5. See the lights at Oxford Circus/Street and Leicester Square
If you are visiting near Christmas, it is most romantic to walk hand in hand and see the Christmas lighting along this bustling shopping area

6. Watch Buskers and fountains at Trafalgar Square 
Sit on the steps around this grand square, appreciate the buskers and listen to the water splashing in the fountains. One thing I've learnt from the British/Europeans is to just sit down and enjoy each other's company. We tend to race through our days in Singapore and few people sit outdoors to just people watch and relax. This is partly because of the sweltering heat in Singapore but you don't have to worry about that in London.  

#Tip 3 Find the London Icons and take fun photos of each other/together

Some icons include: London Bus (Routemaster), Tower Bridge, Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, Red telephone booths, Westminster Abbey (Where Prince William and Kate got married!).

Okay it might sound silly, I actually tracked down which bus service was running both the new and old Routemasters. We got excited together and waited for the bus to arrive before snapping shots. 

Put these on Instagram and create your own hashtag for these fun shots together. You can lie down on your couch at home many years down the road to reminisce the awesome time you had!

#Tip 4 Visit Museums together!

Visit museums together and share about your interests with each other! You won't know how geeky your spouse/partner is until they share about their interests excitedly! It doesn't matter if you understand what they are saying or not! You make memories and you fall deeper in love when you know them better! 

I got all geeky at the London Transport Museum and Debra got all excited at the Natural History Museum. I got to drive a the Tube train simulator and pretend I was driving a bus. (I actually got to change the sign on the bus number display) We were lucky to see Dippy the Diplodocus before it was removed. The centrepiece is now a blue whale skeleton. 

#Tip 5 Visit THE toy store together

Hamleys Toy Shop on Regent street is our favourite toy shop IN THE WORLD. Toy shops are one of those places we always visited when we were dating. It is a place we get to re-live our childhood and talk about the toys we played with. You find out so much more through such interactions than just texting each other! It is also an amazing place to getting little gifts for each other. This particular toy shop is magical. What more can you ask for when the toy store is the whole building?

#Tip 6 Sit down and have Tea and Scones

Take a moment to enjoy some of the best afternoon tea in the world! How often do you get to sit down with your lover and enjoy an afternoon tea? A couple that eats together stays together! (and put on weight together....haha!) Put that phone away once you are done with instagram! Look each other in the eye and fall in love on a romantic rainy day in London...

Read part 2 for the most enchanting experience you can have as a couple/family in London!

Have you heard this at work? I have! A superior of mine said that to me when I was an excited young dad preparing for the birth of his first child. How do you think I felt? 
I wasn't even given a chance to prove myself. I was gutted.

That was the first thing Debra shared with me when I picked her up from work that day. She felt angry that anyone would direct an insult at her husband. I was angry that such generalisations are allowed to be spoken so casually.

Then I realised, this is common!

I do need to qualify that there are lazy men and bad husbands who choose to neglect domestic and child-rearing duties. However, it is far more common than it has ever been for dads to be as involved as moms. 

Why this is discrimination and should stop

1. It affects our jobs and appraisal 
People perpetuate the idea that men are useless at home, useless with kids and useless as husbands. They perceive men to be slacking when they apply for paternity leave or childcare leave. This affects your superior's perception of you even if you are genuinely taking leave to care for your children. How would your appraisal look if you took a several days off? That is discrimination. 

2. It affects our marriage
"Should I apply for childcare leave? How would my boss view me?"
How would your spouse view you if she is always the one who takes childcare leave? How would she feel about your level of commitment if she is always the only one caring for the children?

3. It is WRONG. 
It is unjust and prejudicial. If people made unjust remarks and treated another person  distinctly different because of their gender, sexual orientation or race, that constitutes a crime (in many developed and civilised nations). Why is it okay for people to perceive/judge   men this way? 

4. It is hurtful.
I felt hurt that my contributions towards my home are not valued. It was actually viewed with suspicion.  

5. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy
If you make a generalisation long enough, it becomes a norm. If equal contribution between parents is something we all desire, speak life into that! 

Give them advice if they ask. Just say "good job" if your colleague brought his baby to a company dinner because there was no care arrangement. Don't say "wow! You can care for the kid alone without your wife?!" It will appear condescending even if you didn't mean it. 

Don't discourage men from being great dads and husbands by making irresponsible behaviour the expected norm of men. 

Make feeding the baby, changing diapers, cooking for the family, baby carrying and household chores the new norm if it isn't. Encourage your colleague to be the greatest dad and mom they can be.

Kudos to all the loving dads for your labour of love! Don't lose heart! 

Enjoyed this?
Read the entire "The Odd Life" Series HERE!

The cost of raising a child is a topic well visited. Estimates show that raising a child until they are aged 20 in Singapore costs around S$360,000. Raising a child until the age of 18 in the USA costs around US$233,610 (excluding college fees).

Are children REALLY this expensive?
By putting a price tag on a child, it does get daunting. I feel that many of these estimates do reflect current trends but do not properly reflect more economical options that are available to parents. Let's bust some myths here!

1. It is expensive to feed children
Cook for them instead! There are countless books, blogs and articles on social media that share amazing hacks that can make cooking the cheaper, faster and better option!

2. Baby formula is really expensive
 There are cheaper baby formula alternatives that are just as nutritious. Singaporeans can take a short trip across to Malaysia and get branded formula at about half the price!
Most importantly, your child DOESN'T need formula once they turn ONE! Paediatricians support the idea of drinking fresh milk from 1 year old. 

3. Childcare is expensive  
Childcare IS expensive but doesn't have to be! If you are paying more than 50% of your salary to put your kids at child care, it may be wiser to work from home while caring for them yourself. Family help for half a day can help lower the costs. As with most services, don't just go for the brand because branded centres charge more for the same thing. 

4. Tuition, enrichment classes are expensive
Firstly, give your children a break. There is no need to pack their schedule with all sorts of classes. Tuition may help your child improve their grades for the subjects they require most help with. If parents were to take on responsibility to monitor the child's work and help them with work daily, there won't be a need to hire a tutor for every school subject to conduct tuition classes 7 days a week.  

If you want to enrich your child, Pinterest provides a huge repository of ideas! You don't need to send your toddler for a sensory class or reading class when you CAN do it yourself. There are so many amazing ideas that you can easily pick up and prepare activities for your child. 

5. Expensive toys 
Give your children more experiences and not more things. Take them to the public libraries and read more! It is free of charge and it has immense effect on your child's literacy which will affect how much tuition they need! Read about it here. Visit nature parks, playgrounds and have picnics, treks and play sports! These experiences won't cause problems like the expensive iPads and tablets...(Read about screen addiction here)

The really expensive things are:
-University (College) tuition fees
-Medical bills (even insurance has co payment)

The real cost of parenting is...PERSONAL SACRIFICE.
We feel that at the end of the day, parents do struggle with providing financially for their children but that can be mitigated by good spending habits, busting the myths above and finding new ways to spend less. There is readily available information that is shared across the internet.

Being a parent means we have to learn and unlearn together with our children. It costs us large amounts of time and effort. Taking the initiative to Invest love and time unceasingly from the day our children are born is no easy feat. Parenting entails moments of rage, tears, screaming but also immense joy and pride. 

The day you have a child, you realise you have to watch what you eat, what you say and what you do. Setting good example is not easy! Being a role-model is costly. This is especially difficult in my opinion because it costs us our pride.  A few days back, my son was pretending to type away on his grandfather's computer while his grandma called him to the dining table for dinner. He said "give me a moment, let me send an email and take that call first. It is important, I have to finish my work". It gave Debra and I a shock. He obviously learnt that from us! We needed to reflect. 

Sacrificing personal time is real. This is real cost of being a parent means that you WILL have a lot less time for yourself. There will be many moments when you are tired but you have to read to your child, put them to bed, cook for them, play with them and deal with lots of poop and pee. 

These are the REAL costs of parenting that few people discuss. 
​What are your thoughts?